01/02/2025 - ***Rust Monsters and Race Traitors***

The tale starts in the bustling, rural Tiefling village of [[SiegHell]]. 

3 strangers were going about their respective business in the vicinity of the local market when, unexpectedly, a sheep came rushing down the street, directly at [[Autismus Von Autingler]], the local gullible buffoon. It held a scroll in its mouth of “Speak with Animals” that Autismus promptly took and cast upon himself.

The sheep proceeded to explain how it wasn’t originally a sheep, it had been transformed by a mysterious apparatus, deep within a cave, not far from the village and it requested aid in hopefully returning to its previous form. Autismus cast around blankly, pleading for an adult to help him with this task and a nearby fisherman/hunter, “Bubba” obliged to accompany him as he intended to go fishing anyway.  The sheep continued to plead for help and added that the party would be rewarded for their assistance with treasures aplenty! This caught the ear of local, respected businessman Joffrey Tiefstein, (who had been waiting in line nearby to acquire a new product being launched) and with a magnanimous smile, he agreed to partake in this venture.

The trio marched forth past the Obelisk of O’brien war memorial, towards the major trade road into town “The Outlet”, glancing back, they saw the village in the shadow of the vastness of The Ivory Tower, the workplace of the administration and ruling class.

In short order, they arrived at the Qumdrop Swamp, proceeded to the mouth of a cave under an ancient tree and the sheep warned them of the ever present risk of gators. The woollen nuisance began to add an additional warning before the effects of the spell suddenly ended, leaving it bleating unhelpfully.

Bubba bravely descended into the darkness, trailed by Autismus, whilst an ever-sceptical Joffrey watched as the sheep refused to enter. With a dashing smile, appropriate flourishes of his shiny leather jacket and choice words, he was able to convince the cowardly cotton-ball to follow.

No sooner had they entered than they encountered a narrow land bridge spanning a chasm, and with no other means of crossing, they began to warily tread the gap.

Halfway across, they were beset upon by large, insectile beasts and, heroically, Joffrey vaulted the sheep he kept in front of him to engage them, although despite his efforts, he was unable to land a swing.

Quickly this fight devolved into disaster; weapons were dissolved by the bodily builds of the monsters, shots were missed or ineffective and an unbelievably devastating bite felled Joffrey in a single blow. Desperation reigned, Autismus made a last ditch effort to get to Joffrey as the light faded in his eyes and was miraculously able to heal him. 

Bubba was wobbly on his feet and down to swiping his fishing rod in a last act of futility; thinking quickly, with his newfound vitality, Joffrey inspired the others and encouraged them to push the creatures off of the bridge, this moment of brilliance saved lives.

Even amid the commotion, it did not go unnoticed that the sheep had fled at the first sign of trouble and Joffrey retrieved it with an appropriate level of negative reinforcement.  Making their way down the tunnel, they came to a fork and chose to go left which brought them to a room strewn with bones and seemingly little else; searching the debris Bubba however, uncovered a Bag of Holding, several potions and a rusty flail. Joffrey, as the most responsible and experienced in handling valuable possessions, selflessly offered to bear this burden on behalf of the party and a presented a case that both of his weapons had been tragically lost. With little fuss it was agreed that this was most sensible.

Backtracking, they took the neighbouring tunnel and arrived in a worked stone room with a number of barrels, among which, Joffrey shrewdly observed one of unnatural cleanliness. Conjuring his mage hand, he proceeded to knock upon the conspicuous cask and it burst to life, sprouting metal limbs and screeching “intruder alert”.  Ushering the party back, Joffrey courageously confronted the entity and cast Thunderwave upon it, obliterating the contents of the room and doing considerable damage to this barbarous barrel. Unfortunately, the venomous vessel doused the party in poisonous beer and promptly set them on fire for good measure.

A deft crack of Bubba’s fishing rod whip finally broke the hide of this keg on legs, although Joffrey felt his particularly cutting remarks did far more damage to the creature’s psyche than could be measured.

Among the wreckage, Autismus and Bubba could have sworn that they saw a sealed parcel of magical hops but Joffrey assured them that this must have been a trick of the light as, in a moment, it was nowhere to be seen.

Making good use of mage hand again, they knocked on, and then opened the door that the robot had apparently been guarding and triggered a number of deadly traps that would have killed the first person to enter.

At last they had arrived at the glowing contraption that the sheep had foretold, it featured a chamber large enough for a person to stand in and an accompanying control panel covered in indiscernible runes.

Employing various scientific methods, and through a process of trial and error, they uncovered the meaning of several of the tiles on the control panel and convinced the sheep to enter the chamber. The end result of the experiment was a Dragonborn man who proclaimed that, with his new form, could decipher the remainder of the runes on the machine.  The Dragonborn revealed that he had previously been a destitute goblin and really had no treasure to offer; he seemed unusually assertive that the Tieflings should give up their forms in favour of other races. Bubba was the only race traitor among the group that chose to be altered into a Halfling of all things.  While Bubba was in the machine, Joffrey noted that its power level increased with this change whereas it had only lost power when previously converting the sheepgoblinborn and deduced the machine must be powered by infernal energies found in Tieflings.  Disgusted by the inherent racism of this individual, enraged by the lack of treasure and existential abomination of a machine potentially powered by local Tieflings, Joffrey convinced the Dragonborn to re enter the machine.  Once he was inside, Joffrey turned him back into a sheep to minimise the risk to the party, then experimented with other settings that resulted in a hostile, animated flesh conglomerate. In the ensuing panic, Autismus activated the machine again, returning the entity to feeble sheep form, before Joffrey ended its pathetic existence, along with its demonic machine, with another Thunderwave TM.

Despite the anger of two of the party, that ironically considered the theoretical financial benefit of the machine, not all was lost; Bubba gained a new alchemical set, Joffrey a new set of sheep knuckle dice, and Autismus, a fine sheepskin cape.

- Excerpt from the collected works of Joffrey Tiefstein, first of his name.
