kye/dnd-lore
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

Merge remote-tracking branch 'origin/master'

Browse Source
This commit is contained in:
KT
2026-03-26 22:01:52 +11:00
parent ebe2119002 92f2bd91c6
commit 106fdc7447
35 changed files with 1430 additions and 21 deletions
Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

2
Seighell/.obsidian/plugins/various-complements/histories.json vendored
View File

@@ -1 +1 @@
{"Tiefstein Tower":{"Tiefstein Tower":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774481470913}}}}
{"Tiefstein Tower":{"Tiefstein Tower":{"internalLink":{"count":2,"lastUpdated":1774522665951}}},"Joffrey Tiefstein":{"Joffrey Tiefstein":{"internalLink":{"count":3,"lastUpdated":1774522299369}}},"SiegHell":{"SiegHell":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774517532234}}},"Dragon Queen":{"Dragon Queen":{"internalLink":{"count":3,"lastUpdated":1774521949491}}},"Hoover Schlorp":{"Hoover Schlorp":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774520294535}}},"Brown Mesa Research Facility":{"Brown Mesa Research Facility":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774520326439}}},"Solkanaar":{"Solkanaar":{"internalLink":{"count":3,"lastUpdated":1774520487935}}},"Dyson":{"Dyson":{"internalLink":{"count":3,"lastUpdated":1774521923870}}},"Captain Grimrod Garglinale":{"Captain Grimrod Garglinale":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774520890201}}},"The Ivory Tower":{"The Ivory Tower":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774521898208}}},"Second Wind":{"Second Wind":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774522429529}}},"The Rock of Bral":{"The Rock of Bral":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774522475321}}},"Commodore Crux":{"Commodore Crux":{"internalLink":{"count":1,"lastUpdated":1774522755072}}}}

4
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Captain Grimrod Garglinale.md
View File

@@ -8,4 +8,6 @@ tags:
- Tiefling
---
![[CptnGarglinale.png]]
| ![[CptnGarglinale.png]] | ***"Captain Grimrod Garglinale is the Tiefling Vampirate master of the Spelljammer Galleon 'The Last Breath'. He is renowned for being excessively handsome, charming, and doppelganger of [[Joffrey Tiefstein]]"*** |
| ----------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |

11
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Commodore Crux.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
---
aliases:
- Crux
tags:
- NPC
- Griff
---
| ![[Commodore Crux.png]] | ***"Commodore Crux is a disgraced Griff naval officer who owns and operates the Spelljammer [[Second Wind]]. The party first encountered him in the tavern known as 'The Happy Beholder' on [[The Rock of Bral]]"*** |
| ----------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |

10
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Dragon Queen.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
---
aliases:
tags:
- NPC
- Dragon
---
| ![[Dragon Queen.png]] | ***"The Dragon Queen is an adult black dragon aligned with Tiamat, who rules over both the goblin Watt Tribe, as well as a clan of Sahuagin. She has a juvenile offspring known as [[Solkanaar]], and a half dragon son, [[Dyson]]"*** |
| --------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |

11
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Dyson.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
---
aliases:
tags:
- NPC
- Dragon
- Halfling
---
| ![[Dyson.png]] | ***"Dyson is a miniature dragonborn (half dragon and half halfling), son of [[Hoover Schlorp]] and the [[Dragon Queen]], half brother of [[Solkanaar]]. He is a brilliant engineer and scientist, most recently employed at [[Brown Mesa Research Facility]]"*** |
| -------------------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| ![[Dyson and Owlbear.png]] | ***"The party first encountered Dyson when they saved him from an Owlbear while on an errand from [[Solkanaar]] to find him."*** |

12
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Giant Space Hampsters.md
View File

@@ -1,6 +1,12 @@
---
tags:
- NPC
- Hampster
---
| ![[GiantHampsters.png]] | ***"The current engineers aboard [[Tiefstein Tower]] on long term loan from their master, Slowbad, the goblin mechanic.***<br><br>***Originally crashed in their ship [[Obelisk of O’brien]], They have since salvaged it for tech to retrofit [[Tiefstein Tower]] into a crude spelljammer."*** | |
| ----------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | --- |
| | | |
![[GiantHampsters.png|404]]
The current engineers aboard [[Tiefstein Tower]].
Originally crashed in their ship [[Obelisk of O’brien]], They have since salvaged it for tech to retrofit [[Tiefstein Tower]] into a crude spelljammer.

6
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Hoover Schlorp.md
View File

@@ -4,4 +4,10 @@ aliases:
tags:
- NPC
- Halfling
- Necromancer
---
| ![[Hoover Schlorp.png]] | ***"Hoover Schlorp is a Halfling Necromancer of some repute, who was contracted by [[The Ivory Tower]] to develop 'Big Succ' technology. He fathered [[Dyson]] with the [[Dragon Queen]] after using a wish spell to enhance his anatomy."*** |
| ----------------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |
| | |

10
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Slowbad.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
---
aliases:
tags:
- NPC
- Goblin
---
| ![[Slowbad.png]] | ***"Slowbad is a goblin mechanic and member of a group known as the 'Scrapjacks'. He was first encountered by the party imprisoned aboard an Astral Elf ship that they defeated and boarded. "*** |
| ---------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |

11
Seighell/Characters/NPCs/Solkanaar.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
---
aliases:
- Sulky
tags:
- NPC
- Dragon
---
| ![[Solkanaar.png]] | ***"Solkanaar is a juvenile black dragon, son of the [[Dragon Queen]]; he is widely disliked and commonly made fun of for the dubious heritage of his half brother, [[Dyson]]."*** |
| ------------------ | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |

6
Seighell/Characters/PCs/Autismus Von Autingler.md
View File

@@ -5,5 +5,9 @@ aliases:
tags:
- PC
- Tiefling
- Sorcerer
---
![[Autismus Von Autingler.png|322]]
| ![[Autismus Von Autingler.png]] | ***"Autismus Von Autingler is a Tiefling sorcerer from the village of [[SiegHell]]"*** |
| ------------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| ![[Autismus Sniff.png]] | ***"Although he may come across as somewhat coarse, he has a variety of hidden talents*** |

7
Seighell/Characters/PCs/Bubba.md
View File

@@ -2,9 +2,10 @@
tags:
- PC
- Halfling
- Ranger
---
| ![[bubba.webp]] | ***"Bubba is a Halfling ranger that was previously a Tiefling, before betraying his race and transitioning."*** |
| --------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |
| ![[bubba.webp]] | ***"Bubba is a Halfling ranger fishing enthusiast, that was previously a Tiefling, before betraying his race and transitioning."*** |
| --------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| ![[Pre Op Bubba.png]] | ***"A pre-op depiction of the entity known only as 'Bubba'."*** |

9
Seighell/Characters/PCs/Joffrey Tiefstein.md
View File

@@ -3,10 +3,11 @@ aliases:
- Joffrey
- Tiefstein
tags:
- Tiefling
- PC
- Tiefling
- Bard
---
| ![[Joffrey Tiefstein.png]] | *"Joffrey Tiefstein is a renowned entrepreneur, philanthropist, philosopher and author; he is the proprietor of Tiefstein Tower, a successful, mobile, fine-dining establishment."* |
| -------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |
| ![[Joffrey Tiefstein.png]] | *"Admiral Joffrey Tiefstein is a Tiefling Bard. He is a renowned entertainer, entrepreneur, philanthropist, philosopher and author; he is the proprietor of [[Tiefstein Tower]], a successful, mobile, fine-dining establishment."* |
| ----------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| ![[Taftstan the Endless.png]] | ***"Some primitive cultures have been known to worship him as a deity, known as Taftstan the Endless"*** |

8
Seighell/Characters/PCs/Squelch.md
View File

@@ -2,8 +2,10 @@
tags:
- PC
- Goblin
- Paladin
---
| ![[Squelch 1.png]] | ***"Squelch is a goblin paladin of the Watt tribe, a group of goblins coaxed into worshipping an adult black dragon as their queen."*** |
| ------------------ | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |
| ![[Squelch 1.png]] | ***"Squelch 'Wielder of the [[The Wak Splat]]' is a goblin paladin of the Watt Tribe, a group of goblins coaxed into worshipping an adult black dragon as their queen."*** |
| ------------------ | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| | |
| | |

4
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 1.md
View File

@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
01/02/2025 - ***Rust Monsters and Race Traitors***
01/02/2025 - ***Rust monsters and race traitors***
The tale starts in the bustling, rural Tiefling village of [[SiegHell]].
@@ -36,4 +36,4 @@ Employing various scientific methods, and through a process of trial and error,
Despite the anger of two of the party, that ironically considered the theoretical financial benefit of the machine, not all was lost; Bubba gained a new alchemical set, Joffrey a new set of sheep knuckle dice, and Autismus, a fine sheepskin cape.
- Excerpt from the collected works of Joffrey Tiefstein, first of his name.
- *Excerpt from the collected works of [[Joffrey Tiefstein]]*

4
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 2.md
View File

@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
22/02/2025 - ***Oh hi, Mark!***
22/02/2025 - ***Oh, Hi, Mark!***
[[Squelch]] “Wielder of the Whack-Splat” was a small and particularly ugly beast, green of skin, long of nose, possessor of several shinies; all things goblins usually aspire to. More so, he was a respected hero of the tribe, member of a prominent family, and he’d recently inherited the honour of wielding said family’s magical war hammer “Whack-Splat” (hence his title). Upon first grasping this potent contrivance of wood and gemstone, he felt his body surge with power, he was harder, better, faster and stronger. He’d found himself in a new nest within underground ruins, in a cave system beneath the Qumdrop Swamp.
@@ -36,4 +36,4 @@ Squelch basked in his Queen’s attention and requested a symbol from his god be
In agreeance, Squelch spends a not insignificant amount of time being electrocuted before determining the pattern and making it near the exit before succumbing. Bubba is able to get him back on his feet with a potion and they all make their way through the doorway. They come to a staircase leading upwards and the surroundings are becoming increasingly refined, with more worked stone and elaborate embellishments. On the face of each stair are words, in sequence, going up the stairs; the passage reads: “it seems every second or third step I take away, fate is there without a doubt to trap my course”

Bubba tests the stairs and sure enough, is electrocuted in the process of determining the correct sequence of safe steps. At the top of the stairs is a room containing 3 weapons hanging on different walls with a plaque below them and a strange looking door. Looking at the weapons, the plaques read:
Pa’s Spear “Gutsticker” Pa’s Gauntlet “Fist of Pain” Pa’s Sword “Islet’s Laughter” (edited)

Attempts to open the door are met with a psychic message “not without the password” and the door cannot be opened by mundane means. After some deliberation, they realise that Pa’s Sword is “password”, the correct phrase is “let’s slaughter” and the door opens. On the other side of this barrier is an elaborate room containing 4 magical fires, one in each corner, with an inanimate skeleton standing in front of them. In the centre of the room is a large, ornate mirror approximately 8 feet high. Looking at the skeletons, it’s noted that they have no eyes, the lower half of their faces have features that dissolve into a smooth head. Squelch cast’s divine sense on the undead but doesn’t sense any evil presences or signs of life. Bubba perceives some slits around the doorway and theorises that if they enter the room, it will seal shut behind them. After some fussing with the mechanism, there is a clunk, he thinks he’s disabled it and ushers the group through. Entering the room, they brace themselves but nothing happens and the door remains open. Being connoisseurs of shiny objects, Squelch and Joffrey study the mirror and see that the reflection does not match reality, it features mounds of gold and riches that don’t exist in the real world. Joffrey believes this might be some kind of portal and attempts to step through, running into the glass with a thud and then hearing a strange rustling sound around the room. (edited)


The skeletons awaken and attack the party, Autismus can’t remember any of his spells and flails wildly with a sword, managing to somehow destroy 2 of them single handedly. Joffrey blasts another apart with a couple thunder waves, scattering bones and debris around the room and Squelch goes down after defeating the third. Autismus and Bubba flank the remaining skeleton whilst Joffrey rushes to help the stunted cucumber back to his feet; however, as he arrives, he notices the Whack-Splat undefended on the ground next to him.

His eyes fill with desire and a shadow passes behind them as he places his hands around Squelch’s throat and begins to squeeze, but he remembers himself and casts a healing spell without anyone noticing his lapse.
To be continued
*To be continued.*

2
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 3.md
View File

@@ -146,5 +146,5 @@ Approaching Autismus, Joffrey patted him down, definitely checking him for injur
The team, exhausted from their harrowing experience so far, decided to take a brief break and collect themselves, before they continued further up.
To be continued.
*To be continued.*

285
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 4.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,285 @@
22/03/2025 - ***Orange man bad***
Collecting themselves after their respite, the clan moved to venture higher into the lighthouse, dreading what they might find. Boots thudded on stone steps, deafening in the silence as they ascended to the third floor. Cautiously, they scanned the room before leaving the relative safety of the stairwell.

Perceptive eyes piercing the gloom, Joffrey noted a pair of runic inscriptions laid out in squares that adorned the floor. Straining his magical senses, he intuited that these were intended to be arcane prisons that would trap any entity entering them.
They were fortunately unoccupied and after playfully cajoling Autismus to enter one as a test, they finished a brief sweep of the room before returning to their ascent.
In their haste, they proceeded directly to the fourth floor and entered a large, round chamber at the pinnacle of the building. In the centre of the room inside a glass enclosure, floated a large, glowing, green gem that previously would have served as the beacon.
Iron bands, covered in runes that pulsed and flickered, encapsulated the gemstone and attached it to arcane mechanisms in the floor and ceiling.

Autismus brandished his favoured pair of yeti testicles in front of him like a lantern and observed them as he moved hesitantly towards the crystal. As he got closer to the glass, they began to visibly shrivel when exposed to the ambient power washing off of the crystal.
In a rare moment of lucidity and scientific acumen, he determined based on his observations, this energy field was necromantic and drawing life-force in like a black hole.
Testing the double glass doors on the side of the enclosure, he found them to be magically locked and beyond his capacity to open.
As he leaned forwards inspecting the lock, suddenly he was attacked by a shadow that passed through the glass in front of him. At its touch, his strength was visibly drained and he appeared to grow feeble.
Being alerted by this, Joffrey had just enough time to detect his attacker and ducked, as it swooped from the substance of the wall and vanished again. Likewise, Bubba dodged yet another and with his honed ranger’s senses, he was able to lock on to the subtle distortion in the air.

Mystically marking it, he was able to land a hit with his dart that preceded a savage blow from his rod that banished the apparition.
Emboldened as they gained traction in this uncertain situation, Joffrey tried casting Thunderwave to negligible effect. He found that the creatures were resistant to thunder damage and fortunately, he didn’t destroy the glass or their hearing.
Autismus lashed out aggressively with fire magic that gravely injured his Shadow, as it in turn wounded Bubba, sapping his strength.
Things turned desperate as Joffrey was rent with ghostly talons and robbed of his strength as well. He summoned every last screed of his Tiefling heritage and rebuked his attacker, obliterating it in a fiery explosion.
As the frantic exchange continued, the hair on their arms stood on end from a growing charge in the air. A pair of cacophonous waves of energy rose through the tower, culminating at the radiant gemstone. Infused momentarily with a blinding degree of power, there was a sudden release as it sent a confined beam vaguely south, sundering the clouded sky.
Although the majority had left, the gem still glowed brighter than before; the remaining Shade appeared to be bolstered by this.
Desperately slashing and sending torrents of magic into it, the group was unable to bring it down before it could strike again. It moved to tear the deranged sorcerer to pieces, ethereal claws raking the air in vain before Bubba struck true and dispersed it as well.
They slumped limply to the ground, panting and exhausted, as their fearless leader attempted to heal himself and with the Fisherman’s aid, was fully restored.
Having some breathing room to investigate the locked door properly, all 3 of them attempted to prise the doors loose but, in their weakened state, were unable to.

“Fuck it, it can’t be stuck if it’s dust!” metal and glass shards tinkled on stone as a frustrated Tiefstein, fearing further attacks, reduced the door to atoms with a blast of thunder.
Autismus hastily threw his spare testicles through the door and watched in dismay as they ticked and crackled faster and faster, before they were left a husk.
Tiefstein stepped past and shrewdly examined the runes and mechanism on the floor within. He concluded that he could reverse the effects of the gem and was confident the lower section was for teleportation.
Blank looks met him as he asked the others if he should enact his plan and he privately wondered if he should be questioning the help.
Before there could be further mentally stimulating debate, he deftly made a number of small adjustments to the runes and sent an activating charge into the construct.

The crystal turned from emerald to blue-sapphire, bathing them in an azure glow as energy tumbled in reverse down the structure, into the village outside.
Warmth filled their bodies as their wounds closed, strength returned and the expended crystal reverted to its natural, inert state.
Remembering the useless dragon, the philanthropist opened the staircase hatch and with magically enhanced vocals attempted to summon him, but was met with silence.
Shaking his head, Joffrey smiled as he peered out the window and began to see movement down in the village, he’d done it, he’d saved the goblins, he was a genius.
Joy turned to confusion and in turn to dread, as the figures approaching the building resolved into goblinoid ghouls, zombies and several undead bugbears.
“Well that isn’t quite right…”
The others looked at him questioningly as he quickly made his way into the enclosure and started to activate the teleportation mechanism. He assured that them that everything was fine, the mission was successful and then dragged them onto the platform.
His heart surely bled that Solkanar hadn’t made it and would likely be torn to shreds by the undead. He certainly didn’t smile as he vanished with a faint “pop” of collapsing air.
———
Squelch came-to in a dimly lit chamber, the last thing he could remember was that he had left the others to make his way back to the swamp before … nothing.
His head throbbed as he tried to make sense of his predicament; He tried to sit up and found he was immobile, head and body tightly secured despite his efforts.
Distorted vision slowly resolved into clarity as he gazed at what little he could see of his surroundings.
A complex of pipes and tubes of varying sizes and materials adorned the ceiling like an orderly overgrowth of jungle vines. Fluids visibly moved through some of the transparent sections but what they were, he couldn’t say.
In front of him on the far side of the room, he could see an alcove in the wall containing a modest amount of magical script. To the right of this, was what seemed to be a throne equipped with a dome-like apparatus that would rest above an occupants head; A bristling array of cables and tubes snaked out of it, into its surrounds.
Within his narrow cone of reality was a table with a goblin laying atop it. They were deceased and searching its features, Squelch was at least partially relieved not to recognise them. Above the corpse was a complicated amalgam of metal claws and implements that surrounded its head, and within it was a softly glowing gem. He recognised this as being remarkably similar to the twin that studded his hammer.
As he struggled to come to terms with this disturbing environment, his thoughts were interrupted by a bright flash from the alcove. Once the stars left his eyes, he was met with the familiar sight of his compatriots.

A bemused voice floated through the gloom from somewhere behind him, accompanied by a faint clink of porcelain. “I’ve been expecting you” it said.

Joffrey could see past the odious green stain on the seat that was Squelch to the voice’s owner, a wizened old male gnome calmly sipping tea. He sat in a corner at a desk bedecked with documents, ornaments and curios. Bookshelves covered the wall from desktop to ceiling, fit to burst with further books, papers and knick-knacks.
The unusual little man was wearing what could best be describes as gothic regalia; a visual assault of onyx and purple fabric, polished skull pendants and accessories.
Momentarily transfixed by this stunted man-child dressed like a moody, teenaged human, the businessman also spied a keg robot in the opposite corner and a trio of motionless ghouls.
“What are you doing here ?” Came the voice again as the gnome, announcing himself as ‘Hoover’, studied the intruders.
Sensing the atmosphere of danger that permeated the space and the calm confidence of the wee lad, Joffrey produced his most vibrant smile and went to work.
He was almost distracted by the sight of the Whack-Splat embedded in the apparatus above Squelch’s head, seemingly jury rigged as a power source as he spoke.
“We have heard tell of your most impressive mastery of all things sorcerous and scientific, we wish to hear more of your wisdom and possibly apprentice ourselves.” He crooned.
“What use have I of apprentices, I am more than capable of manifesting everything I need, you would only inconvenience me.” Hoover responded, beginning to lose interest and patience.
“What if I told you I knew of another place where I found glowing gems such as these? I could show you where my lab is and how to power them, I’m something of a scientist myself” Confidently boasted the tycoon.

Hoover was not amused and explained that he could create the gems at will with magic, and he was already an expert at storing energy inside of them.

He had lost patience and was beginning to stand as there was another flash of light in the alcove and a horse-sized problem emerged.

“What the fuck is going on in here and what did you idiots do back there ?” The ebony scaled cretin squawked as he ran his eyes around the room, settling on the insubstantial loose-leaf enthusiast.
“YOU!” He roared, charging past the group as he erupted acidic bile over his target and the wider area of his tome collection.
It was a jarring display of power by the young dragon that turned the desk, shelves and books into a puddle in an instant. However, as the fluid drained to the floor, Hoover stood surprised but unharmed within a magic barrier he’d reflexively conjured.

In the commotion, Autismus rushed forwards and freed Squelch from his restraints, enthusiastically pocketing the many-segmented “ball gag” he pulled from his throat.
Hoover recovered from his initial shock and addressed Solkanar through the barrier. “Your mother has obviously decided to take action against us, finally. Well, we’ll see how well that goes for her” before he vanished gothically, in a puff of hairspray scented smoke.
Groaning, the undead goblins and gnome roused themselves and lurched forwards. The nearest belted Autismus for significant damage while the others scrabbled at him ineffectually.
There was a nostalgic jingle of activation as the dormant keg awoke and clanked into position, showering the combatants in the middle of the room with alcohol.
Von Autingler and his gimped green companion were immediately ravaged by the toxic nature of the liquid, becoming poisoned. Solkanar was fine, he was a fucking dragon.
Squelch roughly tore his hammer free of its housing, visibly empowered once again as he gripped it. Despite this, he fruitlessly swung at the robot as his head cleared from the poison’s effects, retreating again to collect himself.
Bubba rushed one of the zombies, seeing the adult-toy collector in danger, and flung his dart at it before following up with his rod of ruin, staggering it.
A fraction slower, the would-be scientist repositioned and his pelvis erupted with a mightier storm than usual, rocking the room. An airborne collection of body parts was all that remained of one of the undead, whilst the others were injured but held their ground.
In the calamity of battle, Solkanar was an eye of calm as he sniffed the ground where the mid life crisis had stood previously. The keg-on-legs approached him and he tapped its crown with a talon absent-mindedly as he ruminated, deactivating it.
Regaining his focus after enjoying the rough treatment, Autismus sent a wave of flames over the remaining two corpses, forgetting half the room was covered in flammable liquid. Fortunately while they caught fire, he didn’t end up in an oven and the room didn’t explode, which was a pleasant surprise for the rest of the party.
Blinded by the conflagration, the undead flailed at Von Autingler ineffectually, the tiny paladin approaching unseen. Squelch caved in the breast bone of one of them with a single blow, gods he was strong, but it started to rise again and he was forced to smite it.
The fisherman hit the other shambler at the same time, it similarly hit the deck and he thought he’d finished it, but it groaned and rose once more.
Expending his final pelvic thrust, Joffrey hit the surviving deadite, knocking it to the ground, before it lurched upright yet again.

“It gets knocked down, but it gets up again, we’re never gonna keep it down!” He sputtered in frustration.
Without elaborating, the dragon turned, rushed to the alcove and teleported out of the room, knocking a nearby chair as he went.
The apparatus on top of the chair swung down and contacted the head of the unnoticed, large undead occupant, shocking it. The being was infused with power as the gem stone was drained and it started to tear its way free of the restraints.
Seeing the latest and largest threat emerging, Autismus lobbed a vicious hail of missiles at it that would have felled a lesser creature. Tall, dark, and deadsome was enraged by this and snapped his manacles as he stood, threateningly.
Distracted by the newcomer, Tiefstein was gouged horrifically by it’s smaller brother and cried out in agony as he clung on to life by a thread.
Big boy underestimated the speed of the small goblin, as it evaded his attacks before belting him in the head with a hammer, ethereal armour suddenly appearing around it.
Lures and hooks raked the smaller foe and it toppled over, there was a brief moment of triumph before it lumbered up a third time. “Tub thumper!” Bubba cursed at it.
Although drained and ragged, Joffrey bravely stepped toe to toe with the greater threat, decorative daggers a whirlwind of steel in his hands. Well, more of a stiff breeze as they wafted pathetically into the beast, thunking off its hide. Perhaps he should try the pointy bit next time ? Yes, he’d seen people do that.
His brief aside was interrupted by his target bursting into flames as it continued to rain clumsy blows down at its knee height opponent, who was unable to get in close to hit.
The angler and Chumbawumba continued their titanic battle, the living being worn down by relentless undead.
Remembering his stage-combat training, the performer attempted to drive his daggers into the zombie, delivering a singular perfect thrust. However, being unused to the resistance of knives that didn’t collapse on contact, barely scratched it.
In a puff of smoke, the air was soon filled with the angry cries of a frustrated lizard; Solkanar had returned after failing to catch the edgy necromancer. He vented his anger on the bloated cadaver, tearing massive chunks of flesh off its frame with his clawed feet.
This display of physical power was all the more terrifying coming from a creature rarely more animate than his favourite chair.
More fire engulfed the corpse from behind as it turned to face Solkanar, slack jaw grumbling and moaning while its meaty fist thudded into the dragons thick hide.
With a nervous glance over his shoulder at the remembered mechanical, Squelch was relieved to see it hadn’t re-awoken in the mayhem. He tightened his grip on his weapon, winding up every last ounce of strength, eyes aglow as he clobbered the meat mannequin for all he was worth, divine wrath annihilating it.
Reduced to animalistic frenzy, Bubba finally knocked his partner down, and to his relief, he didn’t get up again.
Exhausted, the party took a moment to rest as the danger seemed to have passed, with the robot remaining out of action, eyes now glowing blue with white text on them.
Joffrey blamed his blades for his failure and swore they didn’t work properly. He traded Bubba a handsome gem for his masterwork pair, in turn tossing the defective ones to the green-skin in disgust.
Inspecting his new treasures, he noted they had small golden hourglass-like symbols engraved into the hilts, a mark of their quality. Yes, he was sure these ones would just-work.
Moving to the ravaged shelves, the ranger discovered a magical scroll of Frost Giant’s Strength that had survived the acid.
Cursing himself for forgetting to check the corpses they had encountered in the lighthouse, Tiefstein took great pains to thoroughly search the bodies. For his trouble, he was rewarded with a number of potions; some of healing, necrotic resist and water breathing.
Alongside this, he recovered some alchemical materials that he handed off to Bubba, who finished brewing a potion of lesser restoration.
Heaving the large corpse over, he realised it was wearing a cloak that was several sizes too small. Carefully removing it, remarking on the tangible magic, he determined that it was a Cloak of the Manta Ray, granting the wearer breath and swift movement underwater.
With severe reluctance, he gave this wealth to his aquatically aligned companion, acknowledging it would serve him better.
Autismus greedily snatched up a pair of glowing gems, shoving them down his pants and pointed out the 16 others that were made of worthless glass.

“They aren’t worthless glass, they are clear sapphires” Joffrey corrected him “and someone will pay handsomely for them once I impress upon them their rarity.” He added slyly.
Investigating the room further, they finally came to the throne by the alcove that featured a dome-shaped apparatus above the headboard. There were two conspicuous recesses in the wall above it, perfectly sized for a pair of glowing gemstones. With a pointed look at Autismus, Joffrey wondered aloud if someone might have found something that would suit these cavities. Shiftily, the primitive produced his prizes and was directed to install them and take a seat as the reward for finding them.
He reluctantly sat down and pulled the dome down over his head, wincing in anticipation of pain.
His mind was altered and he began to have a vivid hallucination, although this wasn’t a foreign experience to him.
In the vision he had a birds-eye view of the lighthouse and the surrounding area; with some experimentation, he realised he could even move his perspective and focus on small details. Immediately he began attempting to to find a female to inspect, with his perverted mind working itself to a fevered pitch in his excitement.

Externally, the others saw him writhing in the chair, gesturing lewdly and emitting a deviant “ha-haw-haw” noise as a depraved grin painted his features.
Minute attention span wearing thin and struggling to master the controls, he made a vain attempt to see their current location, then removed himself from the machine.
Seeing the device remained powered, the bard settled himself in and felt his consciousness expand, seeing the surrounds of the village.
Experimenting, he focused his thoughts on Seeg-Hell and his magical sight migrated to the town where he saw people moving around. As he moved closer, he was disgusted to see that all of the tieflings had been replaced by halflings; an entire people turned race traitor.
Superior, pure-blooded mental faculties were brought to bear and he sensed he could do more than move his view, and bent reality itself to his iron-clad will.
The roomed thrummed with power and the crystals by the throne dimmed as there was a rhythmic, pulsing warble that preceded a thud, then silence.
Lifting the device from his head, the others questioned him about what had happened and he advised them that they were now standing on his property and had best behave.
Dispelling the further confusion this caused the simpletons, he explained that he’d moved the lighthouse itself to safety on the site of his bar, and this was their new home.
(Well, it was his new establishment on his property but, he’d let them have some space, he was nothing if not generous, he mentally applauded himself.)
They chose to camp in the chamber that they realised was the basement of the tower, too exhausted to risk leaving first.
In the morning they performed a thorough, uninterrupted search of the building and uncovered a potion of fire breath that went into the bag of holding.
Amidst their search on the floor that they had skipped the day prior, Tiefstein and Von Autingler were rifling through drawers when they spied a metallic glint.

Reacting instinctively, faster than thought, the proprietor magically reprimanded the deviant, pocketing the ring he spied while he was distracted. Realising what had happened, a vocally distraught Autismus returned to his sulky rummaging and uncovered a second ring that made them both gasp. What his grubby fingers had unearthed was a Ring of Wishes, with one of it’s 3 rubies still glowing. Heart hammering in his chest, recognising the extreme danger of such a powerful artefact, Joffrey stammered that they should store it in the vault until their time of greatest need.
His words fell on deaf ears and before he could even finish speaking, the ring had disappeared within dirty underwear. With some lewd sniggering about a “Cock-ring of Wish” followed by a small yelp, the depraved lunatic’s eyes widened and he looked at his carer. “I can’t get it off” was the only intelligible phrase amongst his deranged jabbering and the leader’s eyes screwed shut, cold dread washing over him.
He proceeded to reinforce that the animal should keep his mouth shut and under no circumstances, say the phrase “I wish”. This was met with Autismus saying he wouldn’t say the “w” word that earned him a slap for his flirtation with doom.
Imagining piles of gold to calm himself, Tiefstein inspected his pocketed jewellery and determined it was a Ring of Spell-Storing that could retain 4 spells. After some internal and external debate, he decided to keep this and consider how it could best be used between the group.
While he rolled these new revelations over in his mind, they climbed to the top of the lighthouse and looked out from their new and unique vantage point. He’d not seen the town from this perspective before, view unobstructed by squat dwellings, making the club shaped profile of the Ivory Tower stand out.
Realising it looked taller-again than usual, and thicker at the top than the base, he raised this with the rest of the party and they resolved to visit it soon.
Squaring things away before leaving, Joffrey spent some time tinkering with the keg robot and was able to modify it’s behaviour into a treasure guardian for the vault.
He decided to give it a name and etched P.A.D.E into the wood of its keg. “Pneumatic Alcohol Dispensing Equipment” or “Paddy” for short.
Venturing out into the town, they realise that the new halfling residents are giving them strange looks. Their eyes looked dimly glazed and Joffrey could see their thoughts written in their stupid features as they looked at him; “Orange man bad” they seemed to say.
He was unconcerned and smiled despite this thinking, though they may not know it, they were going to love him.
Arriving at the base of the Ivory Tower, they approached the nearest archway and were intercepted by a pair of guards. Unlike the other townsfolk, these potato-faced gits seemed alert and sneered at them, asking what their business was.
Sensing something off about these two, those experienced with the arcane could see through their magic disguises at the demons underneath.
Not being overly charismatic, Bubba attempted a thinly veiled deception that they are there to see Trae’vhor on the fourth floor, and was rebuffed. Attempting to salvage the exchange, and not be stabbed, Tiefstein adopted his trademark smile, correcting that they were there to see him on the fourteenth floor.
This didn’t go down much better and he ushered the group away from the guards as he backed off, all the while peppering them with niceties.
He told them to spread the word to their coworkers, that denizens of the ‘Tower would benefit from a loyalty program at his bar.
Not having any other significant priorities, they decided to head to the swamp to see the Queen, not wanting to waste too much time and risk enraging a giant dragon.
Upon reflection as they travelled, Joffrey acknowledged that there weren’t guards at the other archways and they likely could have walked through a different entrance.
Arriving at the entrance to the cave network, Autismus and Bubba halted Squelch and encouraged him not to reveal that they had the dragon sword. He was confused and simply pointed at the sword they were flamboyantly waving around, stating that they did have it.
They tried a little longer to convince him to go along with their nonsense, the Bard wisely avoiding taking part, but eventually decided against committing suicide by acid.
They moved to enter but Joffrey halted Squelch once again, remembering he hadn’t updated him about their previous quest. He casually dumped on him that everyone in his village was dead, not of their doing, but Solkanar had tasked them with killing them all initially, anyway.
His little eyes nearly popped out of his skull as he tried to process this trauma; all he could manage was a weak “what?” Before scurrying after them.
Arriving in the Queen’s lair, she firmly called on Bubba for tribute and he spluttered inarticulately, attempting to explain that he didn’t have the money.

She informed him that that wasn’t her problem and began to ask again for an appropriate offering, before their leader hauled him and the others behind him.

Magically amplifying his voice and wearing a charming smile, Joffrey faced the the dragon alone, assertively requesting she talk to him.
Doing some quick calculations, he produced five valuable gems along with 50 gold pieces, to make a more visually appealing offering.
She gazed at this greedily, accepted it, then unceremoniously tossed it on to her heap of treasure.
Joffrey turned to his dependents, made his eyes briefly glow with golden light that completed his benevolent visage, and muttered “The Emperor protects”.
Both parties having satisfied their egos, turned to the topic of their mission to the Gauntlet of Doom and if they had managed to recover the artefact.
Autismus reluctantly produced the sword and the dragon visibly recoiled from it, suspiciously advising that he could keep it.
Joffrey made a mental note to ensure that they had the sword professionally identified and inspected before it was used.
She demanded to know what happened after they left the Gauntlet and why it had taken so long for them to return to her.
Tiefstein opened by informing the queen that her son had attempted to conceal knowledge of the magic sword from her before recounting their tale.
He covered the village, the magic lighthouse, their encounter with Hoover and his unusual command of powered gems.
Her Majesty processed this for a moment before wistfully stating that “The Tower” were farther ahead than she’d anticipated, concerned that they could recharge gemstones now.
She bid them to sneak into the Ivory Tower next and gather intelligence on their secrets before brusquely dismissing them.
Their leader dissatisfied with this dangerous assignment, knowing that the Tower was now full of demons, requested a boon of the dragon.
The Queen rejected him, informing them that they should be powerful enough if they had managed to complete the Gauntlet, and survive an encounter with Hoover.
The team retreated from the royal chambers without further comment. As they were on their way out, Squelch, overcome by emotions about his destroyed village, attempted to commiserate with another goblin that turned out to be his chieftain.
The other goblin was apathetic of the news, agreed with the genocide, said that Squelch’s mother was a whore and he basically had 300 siblings, “good riddance”.
Joffrey attempted to step in for his diminutive compatriot, giving the abuser a noble’s slap and a stiff reprimand.

Squelch lost his mind and pinned the chief against the wall by his neck, then mustered all the power he could, before walloping him in the balls with his hammer. Regardless of the intended outcome, the chieftain was thoroughly annihilated and turned into people pâté; this legally made Squelch the new ruler of the Watt Tribe.
He was henceforth known as “Squelch Stormborn, Breaker of Chains, First of his Name”.
The grotesque beast located his previous military friend “Squawk the Rok Slayer”, the second best warrior in the clan under him, and left him in command in his absence.
Heads held high, they left the filth in their cave; Joffrey now held a small amount of respect for Squelch as he was more or less nobility, and mentally elevated him above halflings.
As they trudged down the Outlet, their leader suggested that they try and find the old man bedecked with birds that the goblin had mentioned previously.
Instead, they found 2 Giant Space Hamsters by the Obelisk of O’Brien that were milling around and licking salt aimlessly. Joffrey recognised what they were and wasted no time in attempting to harness this resource, with Bubba as an animal translator.
They claimed that the Obelisk was their ship and they were seeking to repair it; Tiefstein nodded sagely and advised that he could assist them.
He convinced Bubba to give up his home by the swamp to the hamsters, seeing as he now had a space in Tiefstein Tower, this would give them lush land, shelter and water.
In exchange for his benevolence, Joffrey requested that if he should ever need a favour, that they answer his call.

He couldn’t wait for the grand opening of his new restaurant in Tiefstein Tower.
*To be continued.*

290
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 5.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,290 @@
05/04/2025 - ***Perfectly in-tune***
Hours turned to days as the party busied themselves with their preparations for the task ahead; sneaking in to tower would be their most dangerous trial yet.
Squelch spent his time coordinating with the goblins, settling in to his new position as clan chief, and delegating tasks to his new number two, Squawk. He arranged for an expedition of 12 to investigate the incident at the goblin village, perhaps hoping to find survivors that the dragons callously disregarded.

The draconic Queen sent forth an expedition of her own, although their destination was a mystery, her plans were beyond mortal comprehension.
The race traitor amused himself with his alchemical pursuits, attempting to infuse Sheep Bone ales with yeti blood, chasing illusive frost resistance.
Joffrey industriously worked on his renovations of Tiefstein Tower, painting it black and gold in agreement with Autismus' taste in color. Internally the structure was reworked according to plans Tiefstein had architected himself, and he was delighted to find the cost of labor so low.

Attempts were made to augment the teleportation matrix at the pinnacle to add attunement for security, this ultimately failed due to the complexity. Fortunately however, he was able to fortify the vault in the basement against mundane entry, at least that was something.
If one were to look too closely at the paintings that now tastefully bedecked most spaces in the lighthouse, they would notice that all of the faces in the portraits were of the great bard himself.
Along with his other endeavors, the legendary performer went shopping and acquired for himself a new short sword, crossbow and burglars kit.
While the remainder worked tirelessly, Autismus spent his time fucking around, telling the others that he was working on his "Dark Arts". Based on the deranged giggling coming from his quarters at all hours of the day, that may have been a euphemism; besides, Joffrey wasn't sure that he could even read.
Having completed their rigorous preparations, the legendary quartet made their way over to the Ivory Tower to test their mettle.
Arriving at the base of the structure, they spied a similar pair of demonic guards disguised as halflings as they had encountered previously.
While they maintained their vigil, a third halfling approached from the village that also appeared to be in disguise; Piercing the veil, they saw it was Hoover the gnome wearing an illusion.
He sauntered past the guards, produced something small from his robes and touched it against a heavily adorned wall plate by the door. There was a small flash of magical energy as a portal opened and he casually stepped through.
The group noted that the portal remained opened after he entered and decided to act quickly to try and seize their chance to gain entry.
Approaching in his prison guard costume, Joffrey took point and began to weave a delicate web of deception around the guards, enthralling them. He claimed to be searching for an escaped prisoner in the area, and that he would like to enter The Tower to ensure that there was no threat to its personnel.
The guards were baffled by this and were adamant that no one had entered without authorization, but they found they were unable to look away from this very nice man, with a very large smile.
Joffrey ramped up his antics, gesticulating energetically to his audience, as Bubba employed his own hobbyist theatrics. Pulling himself forwards on an invisible rope, he silently climbed horizontally behind the guards and began to rifle through their pockets.
He gestured mystically to Joffrey over their shoulders, momentarily confounded by an invisible wall, before pulling an endless rope from their trousers that ended in a monkey paw on a chain. He put a hand to his mouth and black and white face-paint further accentuated his shocked, melodramatic facial expression.
In a series of exaggerated, tip toed steps, he made his way over to the door and began to tinker with the wall plate, Autismus sheepishly following after a moment of indecision.
The portal sprang into existence as the monkey paw was produced and the guards began to rouse not having noticed someone approaching the entrance. Thinking quickly as only a master tactician could, Joffrey exclaimed that he just saw the missing prisoner and pointed squarely at Squelch, in his hiding place in a nearby bush.
The guards shouted in alarm, now realising that their rabbit’s foot was missing, and charged towards the garden as Tiefstein slunk into the portal.
Squelch cursed this perceived betrayal and sprinted for the portal, doing his best to evade capture as the illusory halflings launched themselves at him.
Fortunately he fell through the portal just in time and it snapped shut behind him as it expired, leaving the demons trapped temporarily outside.
Standing up, he found himself alongside his companions in some kind of foyer, and quickly forgot his anger at the entrepreneur as he read the plaque on the admin desk. “The Tower: Baths and Day Spa”.
The room was beautifully appointed in white marble, with a large pentagram engraved into the centre of the room and some changing booths on one side.
At a desk was a bored looking succubus leaning on her hand who, as they approached, monotonically welcomed them to the day spa. She advised them that they should disrobe, store their gear and then collect some towels before heading in.
No one felt that removing their equipment was wise, so they took towels from the pile and attempted to move towards the door on the opposite side of the room. The succubus called out to them and asked again, for the goblin in particular, to remove their armour as it would rust up in the spa and make a mess.
She didn’t particularly care however, and they ignored her advice as they moved off, with Squelch wrapping towels around his top and bottom to obscure his plate.
Bubba decided to take a closer look at the monkey paw talisman and found that it shared the “Tower Day Spa” branding.
Making their way through the doorway marked ‘spa’, they entered an initial room featuring a generously sized central pool flanked by a door on either side. The pool was brimming with a foreboding, dark red, and slightly viscous looking fluid that a pair of Roks were frolicking in.
At the rear was a ghoul with a net on a long pole fishing out chunks of debris from the “water”, with a monkey paw on a chain around his neck.
As they moved into the room, they could see the signage above the doors more clearly, the left said “massage” whilst the other was blank.
The Roks attempted to engage the group in conversation as they noticed them, inviting them into the suspicious stew for a “game”; a smiling Joffrey promised they would catch up with them later.
The goblin skittered up to the ghoul and roughly questioned him as to whether he knew Hoover and had seen where he had gone, but the pitiful creature didn’t know anything.
Slyly glancing at the ghoul-boy’s monkey paw, they noted that it appeared identical to their own.
Not making much progress, Bubba suggested splitting up and checking both of the doors to cover more ground; there was some debate but they opted to stick together for safety.
They headed through the unlabelled door on the right hand side of the pool, proceeded down a hall to a fork, before choosing right again.
Temperature and humidity rose in concert down the hallway, and the air soon became thick with fog as they entered a chamber with a large brazier in the centre. Suspended in the air above the construct was the source of the steam; two massive elementals locked in seemingly eternal conflict, one fire and one water.
Joffrey squinted, attempting to peer through the dense mist at the other side of the room and could only just make out another doorway.
His reverie was shattered much like a portion of the brazier, as the diminutive dimwit charged forth and belted it with his hammer on a whim.
Joffrey wasn’t sure if he was concerned about his armour in the intense steam, or if he’d just been lacking violent stimulation for several seconds and had gotten bored.
Whatever his motivation, if he’d desired violence it was going to be what he got, as the fire elemental was banished and the aqueous alternative dropped to the floor.
Before anyone could react it let loose a blast of water into Autismus who, having drank quite some piss in his time, was able to determine the resistances of the entity.
Bubba lashed out, but his dart and pole seemed to mostly pass through the creature, barely injuring it.
Squelch was drawn inside the creature as it momentarily enveloped and suffocated him, before he was able to force his way back out with his wiry strength.
The secretion sommelier launched a series of magic missiles into its rippling form, splashing the tiles with what he fantasised was urine.
The Whack-Splat passed through it barely causing a tremor, glowing gem briefly illuminating it from within like a living lava lamp.
Seeing the limited effect the others were having on this pernicious puddle, Tiefstein knew he was going to have to save them himself and thrust forth his ring. A wave of force erupted from his fist as he unleashed a stored Thunderwave, blasting the creature back away from them and doing moderate harm.
Sensing an actual threat present, the creature was enraged and roared with aquatic agony as it surged forwards.
Bubba attempted to stop it from reaching the legendary bard, but his weapons were ineffective as the wailing wave proceeded unhindered.
Joffrey was crushed under a breaking tide that almost broke his body, and was himself enraged, did this lecherous lickspittle know who he was !?
Eyes alight with the fires of the 9 hells and roared “I’m not locked in here with you, YOU’RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!” He snapped his fingers, and in an instant the creature was wreathed in magical fire, surface boiling as it was grievously wounded in retribution.
In awe of the unchecked might of their leader, Autismus and Squelch regrouped and a hail of magic missiles, hammer blows and holy energy pummelled the beast.
His potent magic was too good for this ripple ridden rapscallion, the bard drew forth his gleaming new short sword, summoned all his strength and parted the water like a religious figure of old.
Muscles bulging, he raised his blade aloft in triumph, making it glow as his voice seemed to emanate from everywhere at once “I. HAVE. THE. POWER!” he bellowed.
The fisherman excitedly collected a small bottle of water from the elemental before it drained away, although this was determined to have no unique properties whatsoever.
As the vapour in the room dissipated, a figure seated on a bench in the rear became visible, unfortunately he was long dead and appeared thoroughly steamed.
Bubba and Tiefstein wasted no time searching them, practically running into each other as they tore off anything of value like hyenas. Among the gelatinous remains they recovered 40 gold pieces, a small ruby and a vial of mystery dust.
Bubba was most interested in this dust, surely for academic and alchemical purposes, and Joffrey was quite happy to let him take his cut.
The heady afterglow of victory and wealth left him and he began to feel the severity of his injuries as he shakily quaffed a greater healing potion from the bag of holding. It wasn’t quite what he was hoping for, but it did make it easier to remain standing, as they quietly moved to investigate the region beyond the doorway.
From the threshold they could see a room filled with a number of bubbling hot tubs, only one was occupied by a small figure, and there were a gaggle of 5 skeletons further back.
Joffrey hissed as he recognised Hoover in the tub then attempted to convince the others to retreat, the compact cosmetics connoisseur was dangerous. In a brief moment of insanity however, he remembered how powerful he was and suggested attempting to silence and assassinate him instead.
The faithful fisherman had his back no matter what he decided, and as they walked into the room, the businessman was genuinely unsure what was about to happen.
Unusually, Hoover noticed them enter and greeted them as old friends, inviting them to join him, which the goblin took literally and climbed into his hot tub.
He was naked, had a drink in-hand and took this development in stride as he asked him if he was still hanging around with that dick, Solkanar.
Continuing to waffle, he asked if they knew any cool spells; Joffrey rebutted and asked if he knew any cool spells.
“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” the gnome crooned with a wink, as the performer stared at him, on the razors edge of attempted murder.
A few tense moments passed as the gears turned furiously in the bard’s mind before he cast Detect Magic. Feigning disappointment at Hoover’s dismissal of this entry level magic, he focused on his spell and scanned the room for evidence of the necromancer’s equipment to no avail.
The gnome went on to boast that he knew plenty of powerful spells and pointed out his bony quintuple lurking in the shadows.
He resumed his discussion with the other three and revealed that he was only a consultant contracted by The Ivory Tower, working on a mechanism to store life energy in crystals.
Demons owned the building and were using a variant of Hoover’s science to sap energy from the townsfolk; this was then drawn into the structure itself, causing it to grow.
This somewhat confused him because his method required the use of large crystals and somehow, they were directing this energy into a building.
His original project in the goblin village drained the local’s life-force into the large gem of the lighthouse, then directed the energy in a beam to The Ivory Tower.
Autismus only had a rudimentary understanding of magic compared to Hoover, but was able to discern that this required necromancy and a large gem to focus the energy into; a “large suck-gem”, clarified Hoover.
He went on to rave about how he hated Solkanar, and that the dragon was only angry with him for fornicating with his mother, the Queen.
He explained wistfully the mechanics of the “Dragon Stand” sex technique, showing his captive audience the acid scars on his back with a lewd wink.
Remembering the lighthouse, he asked them if the large gem was still intact, Joffrey quickly interjecting, telling him that it had been destroyed in the aftermath by the dragon.
While he had his attention, the new owner of the lighthouse subtly questioned him about the mechanics of the teleporter, attempting to gleam a method of attuning it to specific people.
Hoover largely brushed this off and said he could figure it out if he had to, but was primarily focused on Necromancy.
Squelch prodded him about the denizens of SeegHell, wanting to know more about their condition and strange behaviour. Hoover explained that they were being drained of their life-force, as at the goblin village, and it was causing them to devolve into progressively lower beings.
They didn’t have long left before they would be dead, they had started as divine beings, then demons and now they were halflings.
Joffrey acknowledged he must have missed the demonic stage while he was away; they had been divine beings when he left and now they were halflings.
The bard tried to glean more information about the storage of energy in crystals and asked if there were a way to store other forms, such as giant hamster energy in one, hypothetically.
This was shot down and deemed not relevant to his necromantic arts, but the gnome did divulge that the chair in the lighthouse could drain energy from an occupant, proportional to their size.
He tried another angle, initially asking him if he could store part of a person’s energy without killing or harming them; a “small-suck” in laymen’s terms.
Hoover was evasive and didn’t really want to entertain this idea, calling it inefficient, causing Joffrey to insult his intelligence to try and goad a response.
He posited that Hoover was wrong, and a number of chairs could be rigged up theoretically, to fill the suck-capacitor and charge gems without killing the occupants.
Fortunately, the situation didn’t become violent, despite the small man’s animosity.
He got back onto the topic of “big-suck”, and made some distasteful references to Solkanar’s mother that earned him guffaws and grins from Autismus and Bubba. They wrapped up their unexpectedly pleasant visit with the gnome after he offered to show them his excessively large “weapon” that had “pierced” the Queen, and departed.
The party returned to the lobby, found Hoover’s monkey paw inserted into the pentagram on the floor along with another, and realised that they needed to collect all five to activate the teleporter.
They had one on them already and knew that the Ghoul-boy had another, they were only missing one more and set off to find it.
Approaching the Ghoul-boy, Joffrey went to work with a friendly smile, asking him if he would be able to loan them his key for a while. The ghoul wasn’t sure about this and felt that he might get into trouble for losing it, but Joffrey offered to make it worth his while.
He told the gentlemen tales of riches beyond his wildest dreams from other planes of existence, taking out 2 “clear sapphires” and the bottle of “magical” elemental water. The simple undead took his newfound riches with gusto, and handed over his monkey paw to the generous entrepreneur.
Warmest farewells exchanged, the group decided it might be worthwhile splitting up to cover the two remaining rooms efficiently. Autismus was most enthusiastic about visiting the massage parlour for reasons known only to him, and amidst his hawing and sniggering, Joffrey resolved to escort him.
The bard cast Message on Bubba before they parted, in case anything was amiss, and with that, the goblin and halfling left to search the staff room.
Walking up the stairs into the massage parlour, Autismus and Joffrey stumbled into a hedonistic scene; a minotaur laying on a table being vigorously worked on by three ghouls.
They studied the room but were unable to see another monkey paw, only a hearty selection of lubricants, so they decided to catch up to the others instead of angering a minotaur.
Besides, the rigorous rubbing of the rambunctious ruminant was making them uncomfortable.
Joffrey and Bubba exchanged mental messages, including some visual impressions of crying laughing faces, updating each other on their status.
Team short-stack arrived at the staff room and found that the door wasn’t locked, so they quietly slipped inside and were confronted by the rather literal naming scheme that made squelch laugh.
In the centre of the chamber, inserted into a slot in a raised section of the floor, was a magical staff with a blue, glowing gem affixed to the top.
Arranged around it were four cultists covered in pentagrams, worshipping the staff as a fifth walked the circle, whipping them as they chanted.
In the back of the room was another bored looking ghoul-boy with a monkey paw around his neck, and the fisherman immediately sent the philanthropist an update.
The whip-wielding wastrel noticed them as he completed his latest circuit, and told the two of them to fuck off, however Bubba informed him that they were here first.
He was momentarily confused by this illogical statement before he rallied his subordinates to attack the newcomers. Hearing of the trouble through their psychic link, the more magically inclined pair began to rush towards the staff-room, however they had some ground to cover.
The goblin took the initiative and charged into the room, ripping the staff free from the ground and threatened to destroy it if the cultists didn’t get back. Unfortunately for half-sized halfwit, touching the staff enraged the cultists and he put away his shield to dual wield staff and hammer; his faith would be his shield.
Warding off the cultists with his weapons, he managed to hit one with the magical rod, electrocuting him but disgustingly, eliciting a moan of pleasure rather than pain.
However, who was he to kink shame ?
Wielding his less magical rod, the ranger lobbed a dart and whipped one of the aggressors, brutally wounding them as the group lunged at the goblin.
A frenzy of stabbing daggers engulfed him, the first plunging into green flesh twice, considerably wounding the puny paladin as the rest sparked off his armour.
Bubba’s blood ran cold as he felt a curse attempt to take hold on him, but he resisted its affects as he dodged a flying chair at the last second. The phantasmal furniture had been conjured by one of the cultists and proceeded to flail at him wildly, like it was wielded by a back-alley tavern brawler.
Squelch ducked a vicious looking ray of green energy, then threw the staff to the ghoul-boy in favour of his shield, feeling more cautious as the situation escalated. He lashed out at the fellow that had attempted to hex him but was unsteadied by the onslaught.
“The day is always darkest before the dawn” or so his promiscuous mother had always told him, and this time she was right. Just as hope began to dwindle, a magnificent figure in black leather burst into the room, aggressively flanked the attackers, and unleashed a cacophonous assault.

Three of the men were blasted from their feet, landing in a heap, by the ghoul-boy at the rear of the room, ravaged, while those remaining upright were shook by the newcomer.
The tide rapidly turned as the fisherman’s deadly lash killed one of those still standing by Squelch, all but freeing him from further injury.
If they weren’t already afraid they were now, as a deranged lunatic stumbled in, belching magic missiles that hammered all four of the humans.
Marvelling at his musical saviour, Squelch fell to another beam of emerald light that found its mark, horrifically disfiguring him, although Joffrey couldn’t tell the difference.
Recovering from their momentary shock, the men found their feet and rushed at the two newcomers, stabbing them both with ritual daggers.
“Get back you filthy peasants!” Joffrey roared at this indignity, unleashing another Thunderwave that threw one of them into a heap again, rending flesh and breaking bones.
A flicking fishing rod claimed another of those now weakened, leaving three briefly standing before a wave of fire from Autismus destroyed another two.
The performer smoothly wheeled blades from their sheathes, hewed into their whip-cracking leader, eviscerating them, a heartbeat before Bubba completed the execution.
Gurgling disturbed their post fight reverie as they remembered their wounded comrade; The ranger was able to stabilise their injuries and the goblin partially healed himself.
Joffrey moved to talk to the ghoul-boy, but was rudely interrupted and shouldered aside by the now conscious, and furious, green-skin.
Squelch jabbered in his brutal approximation of speech, shaking his hammer and pointing at the monkey paw around the undead’s neck.
The world-weary attendant gave it up without fuss and sighed, before moving off to look for more towels; what a mess they’d created for him.
Despite the simple garments of the cultists, Joffrey searched them eagerly, adding four daggers and a whip to his collection.
Autismus and Bubba derided him for his pragmatism, sarcastically queried if he was planning on collecting the dust from the floor as well, then made fun of the size of his nose.
The bard was confused and reflected on his perfectly proportioned features, as he unconsciously calculated the volume and projected value of the detritus, before shaking his head.
He assessed their injuries, called for a short rest while the ghoul went about his business, and played his flute as they recovered, delicate notes closing wounds.
Feeling more spritely, he tried to engage the undead again without interruption, this time bedazzling them with bullshit. He informed them that their performance review was due and he would need to take the staff from them, upstairs, for evaluation.
The sighing soulless serf handed it over, along with a love letter that he requested be delivered to the succubus in the lobby. Reading the primitive prose, Joffrey frowned, and being an incredibly generous, philanthropic man, he offered to rewrite it for him.

The ghoul perked up and was exceedingly pleased by this turn of fortune; the hassle they’d caused him overshadowed by thoughts of a romantic romp.
They parted on good terms, the bard tossing the staff to the lunatic as they made their way up the corridor.
There was one door remaining in the hall that they hadn’t investigated, steam curled out underneath it and Bubba approached it.
A large, black golem was revealed within; it was made of smouldering coal and poured water on itself to create the steam filling the small chamber.
The performer was momentarily repelled, looking to retreat, until he heard the seductive siren tones of attempted music emanating from the fog.
A trio of Roks were doing their best to play some instruments, but bemoaned that they couldn’t get in-tune, it just didn’t work.
Now standing in the threshold, Joffrey quickly switched between his flute, harp and bagpipes, frowning as he advised it was easy and they each worked every time.
They weren’t confident, but he was adamant that he would prove that being in-tune just worked, and he asked his companions for aid in his demonstration.
Bubba bravely stepped forward, enthusiastic about being in-tune, whilst Squelch grimaced wanting nothing to do with them, and Autismus spasmed erratically while he dissociated.
Joffrey decided he would show them how it was done to start with, giving a breathtaking performance of jazz flute that left everyone speechless.
Bubba attempted to show them appropriate fingering technique, but this unsettled the Roks who were not sure how it was relevant to their present endeavour.
After this stumble, the pair roused them with promises of the ease of being in-tune, how it was only natural and, when the Roks began to flag, Joffrey slammed the wall and struck fear into them.
Being in-tune was a serious business and he would brook no nonsense during his lesson.
At the feet of the immortal bard, Tiefstein himself, the Roks were unable to fail and by the end of the interlude, were playing their instruments masterfully. They finally saw the truth, being in-tune was easy, it just-worked, and for this grand epiphany they awarded their teacher a golden harmonica.

Joffrey reverently raised the harmonica above his head, made it glow, and sang “I. Have. The. Power!” His sonorous tenor reverberating around the enclosed space.
Their trials completed and their leader’s glory absolute, the troupe made their way to the atrium to depart, now possessing all of the monkey paws.
While the others inserted them into the pentagram on the floor, the bard approached the succubus at the front desk. He presented an easy smile along with the letter from the ghoul, telling her how beautiful the undead found her and how he longed to hold her in his arms.
She blushed and was deeply flattered, telling the roguish romantic that she would go to Bob and be with him.

His good deed for the day completed, he reflected on how magnanimous and benevolent he was, the power in the pentagram rising. Just as the spell triggered, his warm introspection was broken by Bubba, flicking the succubus with his towel on a whim as the room vanished, possibly destroying his work.
*To be continued*

174
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 6.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,174 @@
31/5/2025 - ***Creative use of mechanicals***
The bright, immaculate foyer faded from view, transitioning to a dimly lit, metal-clad room rife with corrosion and signs of wear.
Sputtering overhead lights intermittently cut through the gloom, occasionally joined by a shower of sparks from among the myriad exposed wires in the ceiling.
Small, red cabinets dotted around the perimeter of the space sat empty, their fire suppressants absent.
Gazing around, the troupe could see a glass wall to their right, covering another jungle of cables and pipes haphazardly routed in all directions.
Movement at the far end of the room drew their eyes to a nightmarish contraption, a chair of sorts covered in metal appendages, whirring and juddering. It appeared to be repairing a small, mechanical looking gnome, with one artificial eye that glowed softly.
Recovering from the rapid change of scenery, they became aware of rows of other miscellaneous small forms, standing sentinel on either side of the room.
Fortunately they all seemed to be dormant and Joffrey took a step forwards, thinking to engage them in conversation.

Immediately, klaxons began to bombard the workshop, red lights flaring in the corners of the room, and all of the figures became alert, metallic faces snapping towards them.
"Fuck."
Thunder cracked, deafening even over the whine of the alarms, and three robots were rapidly disassembled, revealing the platinum rods and power crystals at their cores.

Joffrey blew on his still-smoking hand in smug satisfaction, as Autismus contributed to the carnage, immolating another trio with a gout of flames.
Bubba flung a dart and whipped the slightly larger robot being repaired with his fishing rod, injuring it, as Squelch shattered another with his hammer.
The fighting quickly devolved into a brutal brawl; Bubba and Squelch both bobbed and weaved multiple opponents each and Joffrey soon took a wound from his own.
Bucking and shuddering, the repair apparatus went haywire and began to careen through the scrum, sharp implements a swirling vortex that took an unwary robot from its feet.
A masterwork dagger struggled dig deep enough to kill, firebolts slammed into targets to similar effect, whips cracked, but only the mighty Whack-Splat proved truly lethal.
The goblin was the next to be injured, although the crowd was beginning to thin and the fisherman kept another two busy, jumping over the prone assailant threatening his ankles.
With a horrendous screeching, the chair crashed into the wall, limbs scraping metal against metal over the head of the knee knifer, as it ponderously dragged itself along the surface.
Tiefstein finally drove his dagger home, piercing the chromed cranium of his cantankerous cur, before bravely moving to cover the sorcerer’s flank, at the back of the room.
He piped a soothing melody, reminiscent of summer’s spent by a lake, buckets brimming with aquatic animals, to bolster the halfling’s resolve in his efforts with the furious furniture.
Buoyed by the confidence inspiring presence of his leader at his back, Autismus crushed another pair of cyborgs with magic missiles and injured a third.
Bubba also scored a mighty hit against the repair droid as Squelch smashed the last of the minor mechanicals.
Bladed limbs crashed into the reinforced door ineffectually as Joffrey took out his crossbow, blew the dust off it and fired it experimentally; he hadn’t used it before and all he achieved was adding an additional dent to the door.
Another firebolt wafted over the perilous pinwheel, as Bubba spied it’s power source through it’s thrashing limbs and stuck his hand in, narrowly managing to rip it out.
Surveying the carnage, Joffrey sucked up 13 gemstones, 8 of which held a charge, as they examined the locked door.
Along the wall to either side of it, were 6 slots in total and it required a matching number of powered gems to activate it.
In a moment of brilliance, Tiefstein suggested using their combined mage hands and fishing rod to attempt to pull some gems out, and whip them through before it shut behind them.

Unfortunately, their first attempt failed with the portal sealing closed, all 6 gems on the wrong side.
Scanning the new room they were now trapped in, they found it a hive of activity with five cubic machines whizzing around, continually repairing the structure and cleaning up.
In one corner was a pile of metallic plates that they were hastily securing to walls, along with a complex amalgam of ticking cogs that took all of their attention.
Similar to the previous space, there was a glass wall covering cables and other hazards along one side, however there was also a mass of cables that seemed infested with insects.
Looking closer, it became apparent that these were actually tiny machines bustling around and Joffrey endeavoured to capture some.
He took a proffered vial from the halfling, and employing his mage hand, attempted to scoop some of them up; which ended poorly.
They began to swarm like angry bees and descended on Bubba, although they didn’t immediately penetrate his armour.
Slightly less fortunate, Autismus was ravaged by a second swarm and was grievously wounded, although the bard was quick to intervene and destroyed a number of them.
Likewise, Bubba was able to crush half of his while flailing around with his fishing rod.
The deranged lunatic threatened to set himself on fire, casting Firebolt on the tiny targets, while Squelch retreated after helplessly missing with his hammer, muttering a protective spell.
Their desire for diseased blood presently sated, Autismus' swarm descended on the bard, but glanced off his highly polished, leather cladding.
The 3 continued their desperate attempts to remove the insects without much success; eventually the fisherman managed to kill his.
Tangling with the last remaining swarm on Joffrey, Squelch missed and retreated back into the space the larger robots were operating in, panting.

While his back was turned, the cubic mechanicals finally registered the presence of the newcomers and the tumult they were causing in their construction area. Eyes turning crimson, they barrelled into the group, two breaking off and attacking the goblin, while the remainder acquired one each.
Von Autingler and the paladin were caught off guard and took some hits, as Bubba savagely crushed his new opponent with a single strike and Joffrey laid about him with sword and dagger.
As a firebolt streaked past the bard and he frantically batted the swarm away from his vital areas, he realised this was his last chance to obtain a specimen before they were killed. Pulling his golden harmonica from his pocket, he attempted to play a sultry melody to insects, to coax them into a phial. Unfortunately, with the chaos around him and tiny claws carving furrows in his flesh, Tiefstein wasn’t able to give the performance his all, and the lunatic finally succeeded in killing them.
The swamp dweller banished another of their foes as the fight devolved into a brutal melee with little progress being made on either side.
The tide turned as the deranged madman slew another, blasting it apart, damaging it’s gemstone heart.
Squelch was growing frustrated and smote his remaining robot, destroying it, as Joffrey precisely plunged his dagger and sword into the last of their number.
Rummaging around in the masses of sparking cables and twisted metal, they recovered a bevy of gems and platinum rods.
Approaching the door, they saw this one had only 4 slots and Tiefstein shrewdly proposed that they attempt the same trick they’d used previously. Now practiced, the trio managed near impossible timing, simultaneously removing 3 of the gems between their mage hands and fishing rod respectively.
They emerged into the next chamber laughing and high-fiving triumphantly, paying little heed to what lay beyond.

Unnoticed were a trio of pyramidal repair bots, each holding javelin-like tools and another cubic robot, all performing tasks that were interrupted by this uproar.
Mirth subsiding, Joffrey turned towards the centre of the room, and was promptly impaled by a pair of projectiles that carried him from his feet, felling him in an instant.
Additional missiles flew past the others as they were alerted to the danger and the goblin rushed to his master’s side, pouring divine energies into him.
Regaining his feet, javelins pushed from his now sealed wounds, the financier announced that he no longer hated the short nuisance, and turned to survey the apparatus in the middle of the chamber.
It was a conveyor belt of sorts, with a bright light shining upon it from one of a pair of flanking pillars, and a pair of shelves running the length of it on either side.
There was little time to make sense of this as the fisherman marked his first kill and Tiefstein charged to his aid, trading blows with a triangular terror; the goblin struggling to make sense of his statement.
The deviant made short work of the lone cuboid, meanwhile Joffrey was brutalised once again and was barely standing, internals pulped by repeated blunt force trauma.
Bubba tried his best to help but was able to offer little, one of the machines attempting to grapple him and drag him into the contraption, but he was too strong.
Pulling free he managed to land a good strike and yelled for Joffrey to retreat, but the bard growled that retreat was for cowards.
Roaring, his blades carved a deadly lattice in the air, savagely reducing his opponent to scrap metal, and he bore his now glowing sword aloft, declaring his supremacy. He had the power.
Speaking of cowards, the last robot grabbed the fisherman while he was distracted by this display of prowess and dragged him into the machinery.
As he was drawn along the belt and the bright light hit and almost stunned him, half the dust he’d previously collected from the swarms reanimated, and began to ravage him.
The pyramidal mechanical was visibly repaired by the beam of energy as it followed him through it and began to walk backwards, to stay in its glow.
The diminutive dimwit clanked around to the side of the apparatus, studying the mechanism inside the glass covered shelves, spying a pair of scrolls.
To the bard’s dismay, the little lout attempted to smash the machine with his hammer, getting electrocuted for his trouble; He swore vengeance against any that would break it before he’d used its power to charge his gems.
Tiefstein determined that the two scrolls were of mending and flying, bonking the glass experimentally. He decided he probably couldn’t hit the robot anyway and lost focus on the brawl on the belt.
Autismus inspected the other side of the machine, but finding nothing of note, unsuccessfully attempted to drag the robot from the light; getting his hand slapped, he spat on metallic menace in frustration.
Bubba continued to kick and thrash at the swarm, reaching the end of the line and being dumped on the floor, as the goblin smote the robot.
Returning to the matter at hand, the bard now stood at the foot of the beam, agonising over dispensing his mineral collection into it. He realised it would take too long and instead, reluctantly took a pot shot at the insects with his crossbow, winging them.
The savage sorcerer incinerated most of those remaining, with the last few fleeing into the inner workings of the contraption.
The light was beginning to falter as they burrowed into it’s source and the bearer of the bag of holding desperately rummaged, trying to retrieve as many stones as he could before it failed.

7 gems were empowered as the passed through it and Autismus leapt into it, his staff glowing with enhanced power, almost distracting him from the secondary glow in his trousers.

Upon further scrutiny, he realised he’d gained a second wish.
Before the scrolls from the now defunct device could be spirited away by Joffrey, he aggressively snatched those up as well, snarling at the bard.
Bubba suggested that they settle down for the night, noting that three rooms of frantic fights had left them in a sorry state.

Joffrey was panicked and paranoid of possibly pausing, positing that the Tower would be alerted to their presence by now and may attack at any moment.

Eventually they managed to calm him and they got some shut eye after hoovering up all the remaining valuables.
Fully restored and energising the door at the far end of the room, they made their way through but were interrupted from attempting their previously successful ritual.

A scraping and clattering assaulted their ears as they noted the cybernetic starfish chained to the far wall, however the sound didn’t originate from that strange creature.
The heaps of scrap metal and spare parts strewn about this apparent workshop began to swirl and collide, forming a growing mass, they’d seen something like this before on a smaller scale.
A giant metallic chimera formed from the debris, equal parts lion, dragon and goat, it’s three snarling heads malevolently surveying the quartet.
In a flurry of motion, the group fled back through the door, Bubba casting his darts and line over his shoulder, Squelch blessing the party and jabbering an oath as the two magic users lobbed spells.

Joffrey, in a moment of calculated brilliance, had cast Heat Metal on the automata, its skin beginning to glow, joints seizing as it raged in pain, hindering it substantially.

Sometimes his genius was so great, it generated it’s own gravity.
Bubba held the breach of the doorway, narrowly ducking a headbutt from the monstrosity, only to be raked by a massive clawed foot.

Just as they were feeling somewhat safer for being on the other side of the narrow entrance, a torrent of dark green gas roiled through the gap, encompassing them.
The goblins hasty blessing was all that kept that from taking the full brunt of the poison, although the effects were still devastating.
Twin eruptions of fire wracked the beast as the bard and sorcerer rebuked it in unison, followed by yet another torrent of flames from the deranged madman’s outstretched hands.
Despite their initial fear, the great mass of menacing metal was being beaten back, hunks of detritus clanging to the flagstones.
The dragon head whipped past in agony and the fisherman launched himself on top of it, seizing the glowing gem and tearing it out of the socket in it’s skull.
The great lizard’s visage slumped, thudding limp to the floor as he leapt clear of the remaining danger.
Tiefstein snapped his fingers and once again, the beasts metallic flesh glowed with renewed heat, eliciting another twinned roar of agony.
He followed this with a near impossible shot from his crossbow, perfectly carving through the maze of body parts to strike the crystal in the lion’s head.

Unfortunately, it seemed the gods were against him and this failed to shatter or knock free the prism, merely further enrage its pedestal.

Squelch and Autismus rushed the remaining heads, feeling their best chance was following Bubba’s example.

The diminutive greenskin failed to prise loose the gem from the goat head, while the deviant was successful in felling the lion’s with a rap of his staff, causing Joffrey to roll his eyes.
With two heads anchoring the construct, it was little challenge for the fishing enthusiast to pluck the remaining gem free, causing a sudden cascade of scrap as the creature lost cohesion.
As they gathered themselves, the bard sulkily tore the lone platinum rod from the heap that their strife had earned them.
Bubba approached the cybernetic starfish chained to the wall, answering its pitiful cries as it begged to be released from it’s torment.
As he reached for the lock, Tiefstein slapped his hands away and grilled the pathetic pentadactyl, shortly satisfied it was telling the truth and bore them no ill will.
It was called 57ev1e or “Stevie” and wanted nothing more than to return to it’s home on the plane of law and reconnect with it’s “Prime”.

The troupe resolved to assist it, explaining that they had a means of navigating great distances in their magical lighthouse, and Bubba removed its chains.
They made their way to the glowing teleported in the corner of the chamber, the only means of egress, and the room warped around them.
In the time it took to blink and clear their eyes, they found themselves in a lavish office bedecked with fine bookshelves, leather couches and rich carpet.
Opposite them was grand desk, behind which perched a well-dressed demon, peering at them perplexed.
*To be continued.*

376
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 7.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,376 @@
26/7/2025 - ***Seeking a Big D***
Reality bent, then shattered in an instant, time and space broken down to their most fundamental elements; then, just as suddenly, they emerged from the portal.
Disoriented, they made a study of their new environment; gone was the dank dungeon, now replaced by a warmly lit and richly appointed office.
Newly materialised feet sank down into plush carpets as they gazed at the shelves bedecked with first editions and curios, panning around to a large mahogany desk that dominated the space.
A large devil in a tailored business suit reclined at ease in an oversized, leather clad chair, inspecting the newcomers with a mixture of disdain and malevolent curiosity.
Partially obscured by his unsettling bulk, was the open doorway to a balcony; from the lack of a horizon, they got the sense that they must be very high up.
So imposing was this figure, that the party barely noticed the five lesser devils arrayed around the periphery; closer to men in size, silent and tense like trained hounds against a master’s leash.
They were similarly attired, although their powerful necks and arms were also draped in chains, marking them as bodyguards.
One of their number had a dimmer cast and thick, dark, bushy eyebrows, almost grown together, and he possessed a fine silver badge with the mark of The Tower pinned to his lapel.
He must have failed upwards.
Breaking the brief silence, the large devil confirmed with the thugs, in a curt and businesslike tone, that they were the ones he’d wanted and had been teleported direct from the bottom of the tower.
Frowning, he stabbed a clawed finger at the party, indicating Stevie, and announced that they had his prototype, before snapping his fingers. A pair of guards roughly seized him, dragging him back through the portal to be returned to his restraints in the dungeon.
Before anyone could react, his eyes then settled on Bubba and he barked a command, causing another pair of his guards to move to seize him as well.
Prideful, he attempted to resist the descending clawed hands, successfully knocking one pair away, only to be roughly clubbed by the other, almost braining him with their strength.
Brutally tight chains encapsulated him, preventing all but the smallest of movements as he helplessly looked up at the approach of the remaining tough.
His head was dragged back and his mouth forcibly opened, as the newcomer held up what appeared to be a writhing, mechanical snake.
As it was brandished closer to his face, it reared up with a hiss, before suddenly lunging forward and plunging down his throat, vanishing.
With that he was roughly released and Joffrey was the first to recover from the shock of the sight of this manifest nightmare.
“What is the meaning of this !? Who are you? You’re damaging my property!” He snapped at the greater demon.
The entity explained that they were trespassing in his tower, and they were now his tools to do with as he will.
He alluded to the snake being a tool for scrying and espionage, and it would be unwise to reveal it’s presence to the dragon queen, lest she destroy Bubba, and perhaps the rest of the party.
Further recovering his faculties, Joffrey began to negotiate to keep all that they had collected in The Tower, as compensation for the injuries and inconvenience they’d suffered.
He was told that their grief might be worth, at most, one platinum rod, but what leverage could he possibly have to bargain with a being as grand as this devil.
Tiefstein advised that they could go along with this scheme and gather intelligence on the dragon’s faction.
The devil scoffed and said that was hardly of any value, he already knew all and saw all, he didn’t need tidbits from a mortal.
Joffrey shrewdly pointed out that he wouldn’t have gone to the effort of capturing them and implanting a scrying device in bubba if they already knew everything and didn’t need them.
The devil’s self assured mask cracked and he was taken aback, not expecting a mortal to be so perceptive.
In the momentary pause in conversation, they could see bright lights streaking past the balcony, descending towards the ground in the distance.
The landscape around the town as far as the eye could see was being bombarded; it was odd that they couldn’t feel the tremors from the colossal impacts, perhaps an artefact of The Tower’s magic.
Returning to the task at hand, Tiefstein announced that he had little love for the dragons and suggested he may wish to kill Solkanaar; better yet if the residents of the Tower could assist.
The large fiend had no concerns with killing the whelp but didn’t go so far as to offer assistance, he was of no consequence to them.
He offered a threat instead, they could gather intelligence on the dragons and agree to his terms, or they could exit via the balcony and plummet to the cobblestones.
Joffrey briefly calculated this proposal, giving a Autismus a questioning glance regarding the scroll of Fly he had collected, but the lunatic only shook his head, it would only protect one person.
In the end he continued to press and negotiated to keep all that they had collected, in addition to the lighthouse, in exchange for information moving forwards.
With a clap of his hand, the devil re opened the portal, straight to the foyer, and the group exited The Tower mostly intact.
In the street, Autismus and Joffrey halted Bubba and attempted to get a magical reading on his new passenger, but both were baffled when neither could sense any magic inside his body.
They were roused from their arcane sciences by the ground shaking as more meteors continued to land closer to the town, and they began to rush to the lighthouse under a sense of impending doom.
It became abruptly clear that where once there were halflings infesting the town, now there was nought but oozes; the resident's bodies had continued to devolve under the Tower’s influence.
Realising this may be their final chance to gather any resources they may require before leaving for good, they split up and charged in different directions.
Autismus made for the nearest opium den and gathered a lifetime supply of Old Toby and a pipe from their now unguarded stores. Bubba made for the town blacksmith and raided a fine grappling hook to further augment his fishing rod.
Joffrey, somewhat more prudently, arranged the lighthouse staff to load as much food, dry goods and water into the Lighthouse as they could manage in preparation for a long voyage.
Reconvening inside Tiefstein’s Tower, they found the hamsters had radically altered the basement; the Spelljammer throne had been heavily augmented with all manner of mechanical marvels beyond recognition.
There was now a tremendous variety of glowing objects, pipes and hoses, buttons and other control schemes, as well as the beginnings of vast machinery and tanks on either side of the room.
Bubba spoke to them in Hamsterese and relayed their request for additional materials to complete their great work to convert the lighthouse into a Spelljammer.
They would require seven platinum rods and twelve powered gems to finish the construction and get the structure at least semi capable of flight.

Joffrey blanched and felt faint, reeling at the monumental cost as he realised he didn’t have enough infused gems to make this work, and considered the need to sacrifice a living being to fill more.
Thankfully, both Autismus and Bubba had secreted a couple more and they were able to meet the required quantity, setting the hamsters to work as they rested and made ready to leave.
They made another pass of the town for anything else that they may need, and Joffrey ransacked a high-end music store, acquiring an extravagant set of heavily engraved, enchanted bagpipes.
Blowing into them experimentally, jets of flame shot from the various pipes as he played a rowdy tune; he was ecstatic.
The retrofit of the lighthouse was likely to take a day or so more to complete and things around the town seemed fairly stable for the time being, so they opted to visit The Queen.
Leaving town and making their way towards The Outlet, there was the familiar sound of annoying wings overhead as Solkanaar intercepted them.
Aggravating whelp that he was, he demanded an update on their mission into The Tower and wanted to know if they’d collected any information of value.

Joffrey took the lead and, in broad strokes, went over their escapades, alluding to them failing to either stop The Tower, or collect much information on its magic. He did, however, mention that they’d run into a certain gnome and took great pleasure in recounting how he’d claimed to have lain with Solkanaar’s mother.

Tactfully, he omitted the cyborg starfish, their encounter with the devils, Bubba’s current condition or their new directive.
Bubba began to ask if they should tell him about the snake and Joffrey shushed him, leading to him being slapped by Bubba. Outraged, he began to admonish him and was slapped again, before he finally held out a glowing hand to his chest and suggested he’d cast Heat Metal on his little friend if he did that again.
The argument fizzled out as a frustrated dragon complained about their lack of progress, announcing he had a new task for them, and would be sequestering Squelch for something else.
They were to locate his younger brother, “Big D” who worked in a secret lab somewhere isolated; he talked in cryptic terms about how he was smaller than him and gave vague directions.
They needed to track him down, take him to a lab and secure important materials that would need to be brought back; No harm was to come to Big D as he was quite fond of him.
Previously, an exploratory expedition had been sent to this lab and none of the goblins had returned, something had gone terribly wrong.
Joffrey cut in with a joke of how “Big D” sounded like he must be Hoover’s bastard child and the group began to laugh. Bubba said he was probably small because he was only half dragon and would be a gnomish Dragonborn and they all doubled over, tears in their eyes.
Solkanaar seethed and spluttered, furious and embarrassed as he grabbed Squelch and said they had to be off for him to issue commands to the goblin army; he left the party gasping for air in their mirth.
Gathering themselves after a few minutes of further remarks of this brother’s dubious heritage, the three set off into the wilderness. Tiefstein wheeled his new bagpipes from his back with practiced ease and laid on a bolstering rendition of “Crazy Train”, the beat punctuated by gouts of fire.
They made good progress, but soon left the beaten path and Autismus decided to look for signs of other travellers.
Scrabbling on the ground through some litter like an animal, he produced a cigarette butt and made a grand study of its construction, sniffing it to see if he could determine where it came from.
He screwed up his face and concentrated for a brief second, then the moment passed and he decided he couldn’t tell, lighting it and taking a puff anyway.
Even while disgusted and distracted by this behaviour, Bubba was able to find a game trail and got them moving again.
Tiefstein investigated some foreign tracks, deducing that a band of goblins had definitely passed through here not that long ago, and they set off to follow them.
Von Autingler cast around with his magical senses and felt a disturbance in the ether; focusing on the area, he was able to find a single set of large tracks that went off into the nearby bushes.
Bubba studied them meticulously, finding a second set of smaller tracks obscured in the disturbed soil; It appeared that something like a large bear was pursuing a smaller creature wearing shoes, that may have been limping.
Cautiously, they followed them into the undergrowth and soon came to a small clearing, across which they spied an enormous owlbear scratching at the base of a tree, looking into the canopy.
In the branches was a small, hooded figure that began to scream for help at the sight of them, clinging to the bark for dear life as it was rattled by the creature.
Bravely, Joffrey moved behind the others, taking careful aim with his crossbow and quietly shooting the animal in the back.
The bolt was robbed of almost all momentum by the thick, white fur and feathers, barely doing more than announcing their presence, causing the beast to turn towards them.
It roared its challenge and charged across the short distance.
Getting a whiff of Autismus upwind, it cringed and barrelled into Bubba instead, snapping and rending with beak and claws.
As Bubba traded blows with it, the deviant went into a rage and rushed to close, bonking it with his staff, causing eruptions of sparks as electricity pulsed into it.
The conflict was a brief but brutal affair, with Joffrey’s Thunderwave knocking it back after bubba was wounded further, and Autismus violently hammered it with magic missiles.
With little reverence for the newly departed, Bubba set to tearing it’s claws out and Joffrey, after some debate on whether they even had feathers, plucked some from it’s head.
Descending from his refuge, they finally got a clear look at their damsel in distress, a halfling sized Dragonborn who introduced himself as “Dyson”.
The trio could see Hoover’s likeness in the lad and had another small laugh among themselves, when questioned, explaining he just reminded them of his father.
Joffrey asked if he had any powerful magic like his sire, but he replied that he didn’t follow in his footsteps; instead he was an inventor and had a passion for machinery and contraptions.
Very casually, they asked him if he knew anything about mechanical snakes, and while fascinated by the idea, he admitted he did not.
Dyson advised that they had to find his courier, a goblin that he’d lost track of in the struggle earlier, that was carrying important wares.
In short order, they located a small, pasty figure shambling around, with chains attached to his neck that Dyson seized to lead him by.
The smiling goblin was a truly gruesome sight, horrifically ugly, undead and in an advanced state of decay, with an impossible combination of both dry and gelatinous skin sloughing off it.
Dyson introduced it as “Rob Zomblin” and chuckled to himself at some small joke before elaborating that he was the perfect candidate to carry hazardous goods without concern.
Autismus approached to talk to this oddity and Joffrey hissed at him to stay away from it, getting the sense from its friendly countenance that it would never shut up.
The deviant paid him no heed and greeted the corpse, causing it to perk up and begin rambling, querying if they had heard of “world zombie appreciation day” and other inanities.
Grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes, Joffrey groaned and suggested that Autismus should hold his chain and keep and eye on him as he motioned for the others to walk ahead.
Unbothered, the simpletons squared began to chat, with Von Autingler proffering him some tobacco, which he enthusiastically took, puffing away, smoke escaping from rotted holes in his chest and neck.
What was left of the goblin gleefully showcased the elaborate breastplate, dagger and ring that he was wearing, to his new, and only friend.
Dyson noticed this exchange and absently called back that they shouldn’t touch anything that the zombie possessed, it was all horribly cursed.
Autismus pointed out the ring and Roblin simply tore off his decayed finger, generously offering it to the primitive with an easy smile.
Despite the warning of curses, the madman toyed with the severed finger, conflicted about picking it up, prodding it around on the rotted hand.
Ultimately he managed to control himself and took his hand away, but suddenly Bubba appeared and snatched up the ring, sliding it immediately on to his finger, admiring it.
Dyson began to get flustered and explained the functions of the ring, that it would likely kill him under the right circumstances and suggested they get it to his lab immediately.
As they quickly marched behind the dragonborn, Autismus held Roblin’s chain with the cheery goblin walking beside him, disgusting hand draped on his shoulder, leaving all manner of debris and fluids behind.
After travelling for some time, they arrived at a cliff-face in a mountain range with a natural cave opening, wherein was embedded a finely cut stone wall. In the centre of the wall was a gargantuan, round, stone door with a square tablet to one side of it, flanked by a series of wall sconces.
Dyson approached without concern and placed his clawed hand on the tablet, causing the sconces to burst alight and the door to begin to sink into the wall, before rolling to one side.
Through the massive portal, they could see what once was a grand and well appointed entryway, now littered with desiccated goblin corpses and broken glass.
“Woops, wrong floor” he said, fiddling with the device again as the door cycled closed, then re-opened to reveal a different room with a pristine foyer.
The walls were polished steel with a couple of doors to the right and one on the left; there was a lush red carpet down the centre with a glass partition visible at the far end.
The short dragonborn entered and immediately went through the first door on the right, as the others milled about, glancing around the foyer.
After a few seconds they suddenly heard some muffled sounds from the room that Dyson had gone in to, and quickly followed to see what was happening.
They entered what appeared to be small workspace with a couple of desks covered in writing materials, books and scrolls and in one corner, they could see a knot of quivering tentacles.
In the midst of this nightmare was their new companion, mostly encompassed by the writhing mass and they wasted no time in trying to help.
Joffrey cried out and asked if he was ok but got no coherent response, just a series of muffled noises, he didn’t seem able to communicate.
A torrent of magic missiles hammered into the creature and Joffrey raised his crossbow to fire, before an alarmed Dyson was released and shouted for them to stop.
He explained that this slimy mutant was his work colleague, “Flapjack” and he was just excited to see him, giving him an embrace.
Autismus apologised and expressed that he would like to attempt to heal him to make amends, but it was explained that Flapjack’s people fed on emotions and didn’t need potions or other conventional medicines.
Unprompted, the disgusting creature floated forwards and began wrapping its tentacles around him, and the lunatic could feel a presence in his mind, shuffling through this emotions.
Although somewhat abhorred by what it found, there were plenty of strong emotions for it to feed upon and in short order, it was feeling better.
Tiefstein’s eyes narrowed and his mouth began to turn down in contempt of this monster; what sort of foul spawn fed on emotions ?
After this initial tumult had settled, Dyson asked the sentient spaghetti where his research notes were as they needed to get his controller to get the facility functional.
Wobbling around one of the desks, the levitating lunch snaked a tendril into a drawer and handed the reptilian an item.
Armed with the necessary device, Dyson advised that they could now fire up the laboratory, he explained it was a “collider” of sorts and it could forge new magical items.
In particular, their research focused on the creation of “Ioun Stones”, with the contraption taking sources of magical energy, cursed or otherwise, and compressing them into the desired form.
The two doors opposite each other, further down the main foyer, lead to loading bays at opposite ends of the machine; simply place two magical items in, shut the door and activate the collider.
Autistically rambling, as he had a tendency to do, he mentioned that the last time they had tried a comparable experiment, something had gone wrong, but he felt confident it would work this time.
Joffrey suspiciously asked him what had happened last time, and he nonchalantly spoke of there being a tear in reality, the original machine not being ready yet, and everyone dying.
When questioned further about how Flapjack survived this event, he explained that the pulsating pasta didn’t have a soul and thus, could not be drawn into the resulting rift. He’d been employed primarily as a test pilot, among other things, and was one of the finest pilots the dragonborn knew.
In addition to this revision of the machine being more refined, it was also smaller than the “alpha collider” and should be safer.
Tiefstein opined that this entity sounded like an empty vessel, not having a soul, and would probably be susceptible to possession; he didn’t trust, or like him.
Suddenly, he felt a presence in his mind, the monster was expressing that it was offended by his remarks. “Good.” thought the outraged businessman, and attempted to fortify his thoughts.
Not noticing this exchange, the neurodivergent engineer produced a small magical object and said that if they could provide more magical sources, they could operate the collider. He re-iterated that two items would be required per Ioun Stone, and alternatively, he could accept empowered gems if they had any; they did not.
Joffrey asked if he could safely remove the cursed ring from Bubba’s finger now that they had gotten him back to his lab, but the dragonborn evasively said he’d never promised he could do that.
There was only one option open to them, they would have to cut off Bubba’s finger to free him from the ring…
Bubba strangely wasn’t resistant to this idea and said that he would rather do it himself and remove his finger with acid.
They were all somewhat dumbfounded by this and protested, but the halfling moved off down the tunnel and, true to his resolve, melted off his finger with acid.
The ring fell to the metal floor-plates with a clear pinging noise that curiously tugged on the mind, beginning to roll unnaturally- before it was unceremoniously tossed into the collider on the tip of Bubba’s fishing knife.
He closed the heavy steel door and sealed it, gripping the lever with his now mutilated hand, twisting it into position with no small effort.
Autismus rummaged around in his grubby robes before drawing forth a basic magical sword, saying he would insert that in the other loading bay as he headed down the corridor.
He hadn’t gone far before he ran into something in the dark; a soft and pliable wall that was warm and somewhat… gelatinous.
Crying out, he sprang backwards just as he was beginning to feel himself being drawn into this mass, that now started to jiggle and wriggle it’s way down the narrow passage towards him.
He turned and ran back the way he had came, ducking as a pseudopod formed on the undulating surface and struck at his head, narrowly missing.
Bursting back into the control room, he met quizzical stares with deranged ramblings about a “big suck cube down the hallway.”
Joffrey asked him if he’d been smoking weed again and Autismus tersely corrected him that it was “Old Toby” and no, he hadn’t been.
His snarky remark punctuated by by the release of a firebolt through the entrance, sizzling as it met the gooey substance now squeezing its way through the portal.
With a wet “Schlock” it tore itself free of the passage and flopped forwards, colliding with Roblin and Autismus; the former being sucked inside, while the latter managed to prise his gummed limbs free before it completely took hold.
As the zombie sank inside the interior of the cube, it left a film of sloughed off skin and other debris on its outer surface, a simple smile on its face as it accepted the embrace of its new friend.
Springing into action, Bubba began slashing at it as it was engulfed in fire from Autismus, igniting it like a massive lump of candle wax.

The flames were split by a bright streak too quick for the eye to follow, that plunged inside the cube, striking Roblin in the head, slowly rocking it back in the viscous material.
Blinking away the afterimage, they could now see a bolt protruding from his eye socket with “Bunker Buster” emblazoned on the shaft. Glancing toward the source, they saw Joffrey down on one knee, lowering his now spent crossbow, pumping his fist in open satisfaction.
Writhing and twisting, the primitive shape squeezed it’s occupant, it’s acid having a visible effect as the last of his artificial life force fled him.
Roblin gazed out through the cloudy mess in confusion and said “Mr Autingler, I don’t feel so good…” before he melted away, his form losing cohesion, leaving only a nebula of fragments suspended in the goop.
The lunatic, given a moments pause by this scene, hastily ducked as a newly formed tentacle lashed the air by his head like a whip.
The halfling and half-minded attacked with renewed vigour, hooks tearing and fire burning, while Joffrey half-heartedly twanged another bolt into it, his target now gone.
With a final plop, the goo rolled forwards onto Autismus, encasing him in acidic slime that began to burn his flesh.

Two pinpricks of light began to glow inside it and it violently exploded, painting the walls of the control room and revealing the madman’s blazing eyes, having summoned the superior powers of a tiefling.
Dyson, having done nothing throughout this drama, commented that Roblin was gone; “oh no, anyway” said the businessman, already summoning his mage hand to collect the cursed dagger.
There was a brief, confused exchange as Autismus wanted to put the cursed breastplate in, and Joffrey stood down the let him have his fun.
He strode off down the passage the cube had emerged from, arriving at a dumb-waiter style receptacle with “insert item here” painted on it, and deposited it.
Once the breastplate had joined The Ring at the opposite end of the machine, Dyson fiddle with the controls and threw a large lever.
Everyone’s hair stood on end as there was a massive build up of energy throughout the structure; gauges approached the redline and klaxons began blaring as the contraption approached critical.
Finally there was a colossal thump followed by a rushing sound, as the floor vibrated, as though they stood at the foot of a waterfall, and just as suddenly, there was silence.

“Ding!” A drawer, with a now-glowing green gem on the front, slid open from under the control panel and the dragonborn stooped to reach inside. As he straightened, a strange stone levitated out at his touch and began to orbit his head and he appeared to be ecstatic, proclaiming his success.
Giddy at seeing his construct operate, the small engineer danced from foot to foot, encouraging them to load more materials and do it again.

The sorcerer drew a simple magic short sword from under his robes, enthusiastically obedient, and the fisherman hooked the dagger from the floor, dangling it along the opposite corridor.
Reloaded, Dyson triggered the device again and once more there was a tremendous accumulation and discharge of energy, although the reverberations felt more violent.
Joffrey’s eyes narrowed as they felt a series of what seemed like distant tremors or explosions throughout the facility, as the dragonborn removed another fresh Ioun Stone.
Like a toddler with his favourite rattle, the lizard drunkenly giggled and asked for more items, oblivious to any potential danger.
Tiefstein confirmed that they didn’t have any more disposable magic items, and in any case, triggering the machine again might be too dangerous, something seemed wrong.
He herded him away from the controls, back to his workroom and suggested he study the stones they’d produced already, to determine their functions.
Thirty or so minutes of idling around later, more rumbling shook the underground structure and there seemed to be an earthquake in process.
Joffrey grabbed Dyson by the arm and forced him to listen to his reasoning, explaining that if they didn’t leave immediately, all this research would likely be lost, along with their lives.
His honeyed words burrowed into the small man’s mind, compelling them to obey, as he whipped open his Bag of Holding and deftly swept the contents of their desk into it.
Gathering the party, they started to rush towards the large round entrance to the facility, but Joffrey halted them and frowned when he noticed the many limbed creature floating along with them.
He asked if Flapjack should be coming with them, and Autismus defensively stepped in front of the monster, pleading his nonsensical case with a glint of deviance in his eyes, saying he should be allowed as he has tentacles.
The rumbling resumed and intensified making them unsteady on their feet, and the matter was quickly deemed unimportant as they rushed outside.
No longer under threat of being trapped in a cave-in, they began their long trek back towards the town, tremors coming intermittently.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, they chose to settle down for the evening to rest, except for Dyson, who spent the night immersed in his studies.
With the coming of dawn they roused themselves and began to break camp, however they noticed something strange in the distance; large vines could be seen visibly growing into the sky in all directions.
Disturbed by this development, they resumed their march with haste, quickly arriving at a region on the outskirts of the town where there were now large rents in the earth where vines continued to sprout.
They found that where a particularly large specimen had erupted, it’s low-hanging, massive leaves created a relatively safe path that they could climb across and they charged over.
Coming to the other side, they heard something behind them and turned just in time to see five plant-like humanoids emerging from the trunk, seeming hostile.
Bubba attacked with blinding speed, his dart and hooks tearing one of them apart and he smirked, looking at Joffrey “your turn” he said.
Not breaking eye contact, the immortal bard nonchalantly raised one of his hands, palm outward toward the organic orangutans, and with a peal of thunder, three of them were bowled over, careening down the crevasse.
With a smug look, Tiefstein moved his eyes to Autismus and repeated the phrase “your turn”, thumbing over his shoulder at the final haggard looking survivor.
Chattering dementedly with glee, the sorcerer enveloped the final plant in flames, reducing it to ashes, and they all turned to walk away.
There was an agitated rustling as three more individuals melted out of the verdant stalk and once more Bubba lashed out, this time failing to kill his target, and again, Joffrey blasted the trio from the vines.
Near immediately, three more emerged and fire erupted from the madman, injuring and igniting them but they kept coming and the situation began to look more serious.
Hooks, sinkers and crossbow bolts assailed them, felling one but still, they advanced and reached the bard, seizing him by the throat, immobilising him as he was choked.
Magic missiles peppered the leaved low-life but it refused to relinquish its grasp, beginning to collapse its prey’s windpipe, his previous self-assured gaze becoming one of desperation.
The rest of the party began to retreat, defensively arrayed in front of their guests, as new sprouts began to burst from the hard packed earth, lashing and writhing around their ankles.
Snagged and nearly caught, Bubba and Autismus yanked their feet free and sprinted back from the forming snarl, Joffrey’s now panicked gurgles wafting across the battlefield as he watched his dependants abandon him.
With a final, desperate surge of strength, the bard managed to throw off his attacker and madly dashed through the now knee-high growth, deftly darting between them as he rummaged in his coat.
Pulling forth a pot of oil, he starting flinging it behind him as he ran and yelled at the sorcerer, wildly gesturing at the slick.
The lunatic furrowed his brow in incomprehension, then took a final drag on his joint, flicking it towards his comrade in a rare glimmer of understanding, igniting the substance.
The oily vines were virtually natural wicks, the flames hungrily rising up their length, forming a wall of fire that halted the pursuit of their attackers as the group made their escape.
Cresting the final rise, they arrived at the outskirts of the Sieg-Hell and from their vantage could see the mayhem unfolding below.
Many buildings had been levelled by the earthquakes and others were being crushed by colossal coiling creepers, or swallowed by the widening rifts plaguing the landscape.
In the far centre of town, the Ivory Tower was visible, now far larger than before, trembling and visibly glowing with crackling energies.
Struggling to come to terms with what they were seeing, the party stood in awe on the ridge watching their home being destroyed, and all Joffrey’s thoughts were of his livelihood tumbling into an abyss.
*To be continued.*

195
Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 8.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,195 @@
16/8/2025 - ***The Goo, the Bad, and the Flapjack***
The earth split open, cobblestones and twisted metal were cast about before being turned to molten slag by the tremendous energies radiating from The Ivory Tower. As though a giant's fist had grasped it, it was violently uprooted, debris showering down and crushing everything in the vicinity as it was freed from its terrestrial mooring.
The section that emerged from the stone was progressively wider than that which came before; flaring out and displacing ever more of the grounds with each cataclysmic moment.
On the far side of town, on a ridge overlooking the great swath of broken buildings, the party watched as the grand erection thundered skyward, shattering windows as it penetrated the heavens. In short order, all that could be seen through the wound in the clouds was a faint twinkling; that too faded, til it was lost in the familiar cosmic mural.
Emerging from their reverie, they saw the tremendous crater remaining where The Tower once stood, and slowly took in the numerous expanding vines tearing their way upwards among the ruins of Seeg-Hell.
Considering the turmoil, the town stood eerily still, and casting around they were unable to spot any of the oozes that were the final vestiges of the populace.
It began to dawn on them that the puddles of viscous, blue fluid that furnished the landscape must be their remnants, now that the last of their life-force had been extracted.
Similar to those that had attacked them on the road, there were verdant humanoids emerging from many of the larger plants, with groups of them lapping at the azure pools of people puree.
Despair and displeasure washed over them as they were assailed by Flapjack’s projected emotions; the tentacled beast quivered and flailed around forlornly, unable to contain itself.
Joffrey was the first to get a handle on himself and began asking Dyson for input on how they could safely traverse the streets and get to the lighthouse.
The small engineer began to rapidly blather tangentially, momentarily mentioning that he theorised the plant people would be empowered by lightning, amidst his autistic ramblings.
That was disconcerting and the bard asked if he was certain, then proposed experimenting on something, and asked if Flapjack was a type of plant person.

Dyson advised that he wasn’t a plant, he was made of ectoplasm.
“So he’s a goo person ?” Queried Tiefstein, “well no, they’re different things…” the dragonborn clarified as he began to ramble on again, “Well they all look the same to me.” Shrugged Joffrey.
He gave the goo monster a side-eye and cast Message on Bubba, preferring telepathy to talking openly in front of their guests.
He attempted to clear the air, feeling that there had been a strange discord between them recently that became most obvious when Bubba had had an outburst and struck him earlier. He tried to reinforce that he was working in their best interest, and doing what he could to stop them from being killed by one of the two factions they found themselves trapped between.
He apologised if he’d done something to upset him and swore he would do all he could to rid the halfling of his passenger, but due to it’s nature, he couldn’t overtly act around him.
Further to this, he asked for the fisherman’s opinion on which faction they should be aiding; he felt drawn towards the devils, given the queens greed was bleeding them dry. (And her son was a dick)
The goblin might not appreciate this attitude though, and he wasn’t sure if they should make a firm decision in his absence.

Turning to include Autismus in their subtle aside, they noticed a flutter of tiny wings above them and watched as a small, red imp descended from the sky, alighted on the lunatic’s shoulder, and lit a cigarette.
Unsurprised by anything that occurred around that conscious calamity, Joffrey simply rolled his eyes, said “Funny looking cat.” And turned away again; it wasn’t worth the bother engaging in his nonsense.

Though it did have two horns, two arms and two legs, so Tiefstein was at least satisfied that it classed as a real person.
Speaking of the inhuman, he was distracted by the squiggly glop wobbling its way over.
It paused and caressed Autismus, causing the imp to cackle dementedly as the businessman looked on in disgust, proclaiming it to be a HR issue.
The baked banana simply grinned lewdly at the monstrosity and said “don’t mind that bigot.”
Having had enough of this freak show, Joffrey began pointing at each member of their motley group in turn, demanding options to make their way to the lighthouse safely.
Von Autingler put forth that his new winged companion could turn invisible and scout ahead, but was worried about him being killed as he was small and fragile.
Several elaborate schemes were aired among them, such as travelling through sewers/tunnelling, fighting their way through, etcetera.
After several minutes of this, the halfling piped up and announced that they COULD do that, or, he could simply cast a spell to mask their presence, and they could stealthily pass through the town.
They all nodded and he proceeded with uncanny skill, allowing them to swiftly make their way past the aggressive flora and arrive at Tiefstein Tower.
Much had changed since they’d departed the previous day, most notably, there were now a pair of large spherical outbuildings attached to either side of the lighthouse at ground level.
The bard grinned, hands on hips, and proclaimed that their new ship appeared to have a lot of thrust, as he waggled his eyebrows.
Their mirth was immediately interrupted by distressed cries coming from the building and they noticed one the hamsters on the first floor balcony, attempting to get their attention.
The object of its terror was a giant mass of plant matter that was battering against the main entrance.

Rolling up his sleeves, Joffrey told Dyson not to worry, this wasn’t the first time he’d had to kick a vegetable out of his bar.
Inwardly he was less confident; looking at the roiling mass of vegetation with its many tentacle-like vines, he decided it was probably best to avoid it and escape before the town was destroyed.
Thinking quickly, he pointed to the first floor balcony and asked if Bubba could get his grappling hook up there and allow them to climb inside.
The smug halfling attached it to the end of his rod and deftly cast it over the railing with practiced ease, securing the other end to a nearby lamp post.
Wasting no time, he leapt on top of the taut wire and scampered up it to the hamsters, with Autismus climbing under it not far behind him.
Watching this display, the cocky bard jumped atop the wire and tried to emulate his peer, but began to wobble uncertainly halfway up as Dyson followed him below.

Just as he was regaining his balance, the dragonborn cried out and grabbed his ankle for support, sending them both to the cobbles, right behind of the monstrous monstera.
The businessman landed poorly, almost splitting his head open, as the small engineer landed on top of him, uninjured.
Groaning and beginning to stand, he was suddenly hit with tremendous force and smashed into the rocks once more, breaking some ribs; the ferocious fern had noticed them.
Kicking frantically, he managed to squirm free of the snaring vines trying to constrict him and snapped his fingers, his eyes flaring to light as he caused the creature to erupt into flames.

Dishearteningly, this didn't seem to be as effective as he'd hoped, and he drew out his locket, looking at the picture of his resplendent self inside, gaining inspiration.
Thinking of himself, he lashed out with his sword and dagger, and although sap oozed from the small cuts he was able to deliver, it's bark-like hide was too tough to do any real damage.
Now noticing their benefactor's desperate situation, Bubba and Autismus began to rain hell from the balcony, but even the torrents of flame and usually lethal darts were proving ineffective.
Joffrey was finally seized by the vines and dashed against the hard stones like a ragdoll, "Get your hands off my penis! That's the creature that touched me on the penis, there! Ah yes, i see you know your judo well..." he cried out between being bludgeoned, now close to death.
Panicked, and not having any combat experience, the ebony skinned lizard man rummaged around in his robes and threw something at Joffrey.

"I don't know what this does, but I hope it helps..." he muttered meekly, his face a quivering mask of fear.

The projectile bounced off his barely conscious skull, then began to levitate and orbit his head; it was one of the Ioun stones that they'd created in the lab at Brown Mesa.
More darts and magic missiles pounded into the top of the grumpy greenery, and chunks of pulpy material were blasted off by the continued assault, causing it to loosen the grip on its captive.
As he fell to the ground once more, body hopelessly broken, looking up at the writhing tree-trunk-like appendages moments from destroying him, he reflected on his life and aspirations. He thought of all the profit he would never make, and shedding a single tear, realised that no-one would even remember his name.
Suddenly he became aware of something... intangible, indescribable, and reached out towards it hesitantly with his mind.

As he brushed against this unusual presence, the monster in front of him began to slow, but it was more than that, everything began to slow, then stop.
An after-image appeared around things that had previously been in motion, a ghostly haze that seemed to slowly separate from the static forms, then began to move in reverse.

Joffrey became aware of other...possibilities, other chains of events that both were, and could be...

He saw a foggy vision of himself standing before the creature, in much better health, looking up at the second vine descending towards him, and mentally reached towards it.

Reality violently lurched and he was in the place of his double, a massive green limb whipping towards him, and he dodged.
He could see a disorienting, ethereal leading edge to vine, as though glimpsing where it was going to be, as well as where it was, and it allowed him an extra heartbeat to get out of the way.
He guzzled a potion that caused his wounds to close and, having witnessed the alternative, this time he ran, repeating his jokes about the vine touching him on the penis as he fled.

Racing back to the zip line, he cuffed Dyson out of his whimpering, and rapidly climbed the wire.
Only for history to repeat itself; he fell.
In his panic, reliving those moments from another lifetime, he cried out, certain that he was going to meet his eternal rest.
However this time he felt something hit him in the back and he suddenly surged upwards, as Bubba’s carefully placed hook yanked him within reach of the rope, and he scurried to safety.
Joffrey breathed a ragged sigh of relief as he lent against the railing; opening his eyes again, he saw that the danger hadn’t passed and Dyson was still at the base of the rope, struggling to climb.
The small dragonborn was reaching for the tether when the courtyard began to quake, a massive rent beginning to form across its width, and he lost his footing.
Sensing his sudden vulnerability, the plant advanced rapidly, tendrils stretching towards him as the tears in its flesh slowly began to close. Bubba was still winding his rod and with no obvious options presenting themselves, Autismus took a gamble and cast Darkness upon the furious flora.
Suddenly robbed of its life-giving sunshine, the plant hesitated, twisting around attempting to regain the light, and Dyson regained his footing, rushing up the rope in a blind panic.
Attempting to assist him, the maniac sent forth his imp, who tried in vain to lift the bulky lizard, only hindering him with its rudimentary intelligence.
Fortunately he made it over the railing and no sooner had his feet touched the stone, he was racing after Flapjack who was swiftly floating inside the building.
They all followed as the Hamsters lead them to the new engine room, where they saw the sentient spaghetti launch itself into the Spelljammer throne, plugging its various appendages into recesses and gripping controls.

The lighthouse began to list as the edge of the widening crevasse reached its boundary and without warning there was a loud explosion.

With a roar the floor raced up to meet them, and most were able to frantically hang on to whatever was at hand, however Joffrey was slammed onto his back, partially broken bones screaming in protest.
Although they were unable to see it from the bowels of the structure, for the second time today, a grand building resplendent in black and gold, joined the stars in the heavens.

Despite the pain, the bard’s face split into a grin and he dragged his harp across his body, strumming an ancient tune he'd learned from an astral trader, called “Rocket Man”.
When the violent ascent of Tiefstein Tower had tapered off, the crew made their way to the observation deck at the pinnacle of the lighthouse, gazing down at the foreign view of their planet.

Just in time to see it constricted by rapidly growing, continent sized vines.
Unable to process this roiling cauldron of emotions, they stood a silent vigil, surveying the end of the world; It was all the more bizarre that, from their vantage in the void, such a cataclysm could occur without sound.
Joffrey put his hands in his pockets, wistfully saying a wordless prayer for any residual wealth he may have left behind, and felt a small parchment that he’d forgotten about.

Withdrawing the small square, he held it up and laughed softly at the two words on the paper that he’d written days ago, after fleeing the Ivory Tower.

“Snake Jazz”

There was little time to unpack this tangential thought as he was interrupted by panicked shouts from Dyson.

The small engineer relayed that Flapjack had scried a flotilla of ships nearby, arrayed in a line, and two were approaching their position.

The rest of the vessels turned, and in a flare of arcane light from their engines, sped into the distance, engaging their faster than light drives.

Another warning came that one of the two remaining ships was on an intercept course, accelerating rapidly towards them, seemingly hostile.
The business man quickly took charge of the situation, calling for options and asking if they could outrun them.

Dyson didn’t believe so, not at sub-light speed at least, the ship wasn’t fully operational after its modifications and the warp drive would take time to charge before they could jump.
Thinking quickly, he glanced up at the large gemstone hovering above them, enthralled by its magical apparatus and asked if they could use the big suck gem to fire an energy beam at the enemy.
The small lizard was baffled by this proposal and similarly, when relayed to the Hamsters through Bubba, they too had no knowledge of how this construct worked, it wasn’t part of the spelljammer.
Joffrey indicated that Autismus should stay with him on the bridge while the others returned to engineering; being the two most magically gifted, they would have to do their best to figure this out.

Feeling this was a critical moment, the bard decided to look to a higher power, and surveyed a majestic parody portrait of himself, depicted as god, reaching down from the clouds to bless early humans.
Inspired by his own grandeur and with this endeavour calling for mindless violence, he placed the deranged sorcerer at the controls for the big suck, while he sat in an ornate chair to be his command throne.
Calling the engine room through a hollow tube connecting the two locations, he spoke with Bubba who had assumed the role of chief engineer, working with the rest of the crew.
They were doing what they could to evade what had been identified as a Moth-class ship, attempting to further increase their speed, but time was running out.
The two mystics worked the controls in tandem, pushing every button combination they could devise, the glowing, gilded runes guttering as they attempted to activate the mechanism.
Tiefstein struck the bulkhead in frustration, it was useless, there was nothing in the void to drain...

Autismus' eyes practically crossed as he seemed to struggle with an internal voice momentarily. "What if we drained ... me ?" he asked uncertainly.

Joffrey looked at him as though he were insane, although that was normal, but hesitated for a moment himself as he considered the possibility.

"How old are you again ? You might have 80 or more years ahead of you, I doubt we'd need more than a few decades; this could save all of our lives" He mused.

The pipe weed enthusiast spluttered and jabbered, seemingly confused and non-committal about how old he was, as though this were something he'd never considered before.

However, before he could continue his rambling, the great bard said with finality that this was irrelevant, it would be madness to sacrifice him without trying all other possibilities.
He called the engine room again, and suggested plotting a course for what had been a densely populated area before the vines sprouted, to see if they could suck any life energy from the remaining goop.
Bubba did his best to relay this to Flapjack, who was frantically manoeuvring the ship, but all he got were panicked mental impressions from the creature, and he advised Joffrey they were doing what they could.

"Don't give me excuses, give me results!" the businessman snapped, watching the moth ship grow in dimensions and begin to arm their ballista.
Apparently understanding their needs after all, the ship suddenly changed course and sped towards some manner of diffuse debris in orbit.
As they got closer, it became apparent that these were some manner of void lifeforms, not dissimilar to jellyfish and Joffrey enthusiastically called for Autismus to try again.

They were gonna suck up some disgusting goo monsters.
This time, the arcane script adorning the chains of the great crystal flared to life, and a wave of energy burst forth, flowing out through the entities, then reversed direction, building in intensity as it drew their life-force back to the lighthouse.
All that remained were withered husks adrift, however the stone now thrummed and glowed a ghostly green with power; it was partially charged, in their estimation enough for one shot.
This wasn't time for half measures, this was life or death and Joffrey called the engine room for more power.

Chief engineer Bubba glanced around frantically and in a moment of clarity knew what he must do; he would inject alchemical reagents directly into the engines, overloading them, and hopefully direct the power to the command deck.
Rifling through his belt pouch, he withdrew three vials; one of mystery powder from a corpse in the Ivory Tower, one of dead replicator dust and a vial of yeti blood.

With a demented cry he sucked and snorted all three into his system, swished them around in his mouth, then opened a hatch on the drives, spitting them all straight into the roiling inferno within.
Dyson and the hamsters looked on in disbelief and horror, this was madness, this could never work, it was impossible.
Yet the deck bucked and rolled as a massive surge of magical energy exploded into being inside the engine manifold, miraculously contained. With a thump, a conduit leading straight up began to glow cherry-red as the surge was redirected towards the tip of the craft.
The big suck gem blazed like a dying star as it was filled to the brim, and Joffrey gave the order to fire everything they had at the enemy vessel.

The phallic craft reversed direction, now facing the moth ship point-first, rapidly closing the remaining distance, moments from collision.

"Now!" cried the bard, watching with faltering confidence as the madman stood indecisively, hand hovering over two large glowing buttons.

"How do i do it, i'm not sure what i can use to fire this thing !?" sputtered the lunatic, tongue protruding from the corner of his mouth.

"Just push the gods-damned button with your hand!" screamed Tiefstein.
Inspired by this sudden revelation that he did indeed have hands, Autismus finally pressed the button and was blinded by the sudden release of flaring light overhead.
A coruscating lance streamed forcefully from the tip of the lighthouse, through the silence of the heavens, and slammed into the heart of the enemy vessel, causing it to careen out of control as its engines were destroyed.
Cheers of victory soon turned to cries of alarm as they realised they were still on a collision course and Bubba raced to offer support to Flapjack.

Leaping in front of the Spelljammer throne, he stumbled and slapped one of the alien's disgusting tentacles off of a joystick, causing the ship to roll along its axis instead of changing course.
Every member of crew were thrown into walls and ceilings as the moth collided with the engine room, tearing an enormous hole in the fortified stone as the ships merged haphazardly.
Blinking dust and debris from their eyes as they sat up, they saw large humanoid silhouettes through the clouds of steam emerging from the hole in the ship.

"Prepare to repel boarders..." came the haggard voice of their leader through the comms tube.
*To be continued.*

7
Seighell/Misc Items/Second Wind.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
---
aliases:
tags:
- Spelljammer
---
![[Second Wind.png]]
***"The Second Wind is a Galleon class Spelljammer belonging to [[Commodore Crux]], currently under the command of Admiral [[Joffrey Tiefstein]]"***

7
Seighell/Misc Items/The Last Breath.md Normal file
View File

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
---
tags:
- Spelljammer
- Vampirate
---
![[The Last Breath.png]]
The last breath is a Galleon class Spelljammer commanded by the Vampirate,[[Captain Grimrod Garglinale]]

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Autismus Sniff.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 1.9 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Commodore Crux.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 1.9 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Dragon Queen.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.8 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Dyson and Owlbear.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.9 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Dyson.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.9 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Hoover Schlorp.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.9 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Pre Op Bubba.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.2 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Second Wind.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 3.4 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Slowbad.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.8 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Solkanaar.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.2 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/Taftstan the Endless.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.3 MiB

BIN
Seighell/z_images/The Last Breath.png Normal file
View File

Binary file not shown.
Side by Side

After

Width:  |  Height:  |  Size: 2.5 MiB