8/8/2026 - Session opens with the party in the street outside of “Fluffy Clouds” Laundry, observing the building, taking in various comings and goings as barrels are being delivered as well as conspicuous rolled up rugs and other materials. There are big plumes of steam coming out of stacks on the top of the building, chemically smell etc. - Randy is keen to enter and pickup a spandex number he dropped off last week. - There are guards posted outside that are in yellow hazmat style protective gear. - Joffrey uses his cane like a microphone, addresses the two wrestlers and asks them how they feel about the big fight coming up, fighting the “second brother”. Hulk Hogan gives a full promo in the street with Macho Man supporting him, Joffrey starts playing his intro song on the bagpipes, granting him inspiration, drawing a lot of attention and hype as they cross the street to the industrial laundry. - They are interested to see if the guards are wrestling fans as this is a popular diversion on The Rock of Bral, unfortunately they are not and don’t give them any special treatment. Randy asks the rest of the party if they are here to get his dry cleaning or what, Joffrey tells him sure, they can get his dry cleaning, it might even be free by the time they are done with these people, they stole from him and they will pay for what they’ve done. - Randy pulls out a VIP gold card for “Fluffy Clouds Dry Cleaners and Gym”, seems that he is a mascot for their business, features an image of himself lifting a barbell with washing machines on either end. He enters with the rest of the party following him as part of his entourage. - They enter the building, passing through the gym at the front and encountering the pleb manning it who asks them if they are there for the free trial; they ignore them and walk out the back, everyone has a pump on now. They immediately smell a lot of strong chemicals, there are big vats of bubbling liquid and around twenty personnel wearing hazmat gear. It’s an industrial laundry, not a laundrette, this is where various businesses send items from clients to get it cleaned. - There are large dryers along the back wall, big rotating barrels above small fires, one of them is currently pulled out and two men in overalls are working on it. The workers are collecting random items that have ended up in inside the housing of the dryer over time and putting them in a stash in their toolbox, there are socks, loose change etc. - There is a loading dock where they are bringing in a cart load of these large blue barrels that they are unloading and stacking up. Randy goes to a series of pigeon holes and locates his personal one that he has as a VIP, collects his brightly coloured laundry, immediately strips and changes into the clean outfit, depositing his dirty stuff in a vat nearby. - Joffrey looks around for anyone that appears important or in charge, they seem like they are all workers of various races etc and they are all in a similar standard of protective gear. He approaches the two people working on the dryer, one is in a green top and hat and the other is in red, working with big pipe wrenches. - Joffrey is still in a terrible mood from the last twenty four hours worth of issues and claps one on the shoulder, squeezing too hard and asking where he can find the “second brother”, claiming he is expected. The workers say they have to “fix a valve” before he can “get down there”, Joffrey asks what they mean, he sees that there is a big green pipe behind the dryer that they could walk inside of if it weren’t obstructed. He interrupts further comment from them and impatiently orders Hulk Hogan to move the dryer out of the way, which he does, unleashing a torrent of steam as the pipe is uncovered. - He quickly tells him to try and put it back but it’s too late, the workers are frantically trying to close the valve but struggling, Joffrey says that Macho and Hulk will have to use their “mega powers” and work together to close it. They do a slow motion handshake, combining their “mega powers” and get too fascinated with their team up and grandstanding, doing a promo next to the valve about how their powers could “blow the roof off this place”, failing to shut it. - The workers are trying to wedge their wrench into a tiny gap in the mechanism but failing, Joffrey refuses to help, he doesn’t do manual labour, Bubba is off swimming around in a vat “fishing”, Autismus has a go. He manages to get the wrench attached and on the valve but then isn’t strong enough to pull it shut, Squelch hits it with his hammer instead, breaking the valve and sending a torrent of steam straight into his face for massive damage. The workers are very animated and jumping up and down, upset that they have destroyed the valve, but at least the steam is no longer filling the big pipe and they can enter it. - Joffrey claps Squelch on his horribly reddened skin and says “Good job”, injuring him further, as they move to enter the pipe. Joffrey, the wrestlers and Autismus enter the pipe, riding the steep slope down on a pile of laundry, using a mattress in front of them as a crash barrier. Squelch hesitates to join them, seeing some workers bringing a barrel towards the mouth of the pipe, he asks the two workers in overalls that were working on the dryer if they know what is in the barrels, they don’t know, but they feel they should be wearing more protective gear, there are a lot of hazards in here. - Squelch approaches the workers in hazmat that are bringing barrel over and asks them what they are doing, he is answered by mumbles as they can’t talk through the hazmat suits. He inspects the barrel and notes that it has a green droplet icon on it and feels it’s likely to contain acid. He goes over to a rack at the side of the room and dons a hazmat suit of his own, then joins the workers, helping to move the barrel. - Squelch opens the barrel when they leave it to go and get another one, finding that it is indeed full of acid, after dipping the wrench in it and seeing the paint melt off. - The rest of the party arrive at the bottom of the big green pipe after going for a nice slide, they exit the pipe into a large pristine white room filled with industrial alchemical apparatus and distilling gear. There are two people in the room wearing lab ppe, one an angry middle aged bald man with facial hair and the other is a twitchy younger man, moving trays of blue crystalline material around. They notice the party and ask them what they are doing here, Joffrey tries to explain to them that he’s looking for the “second brother” and he’s expected, he warns them that he’s having a bad day and not to test him, just tell him where the second brother is and be silent. They slowly move over to a table and lower the tray of blue crystals, Autismus is very excited by the presence of what appears to be drugs and is doing a Jessie Pinkman impersonation. - The older person, Walter White, triggers an alarm panel after putting down the tray and klaxons start blaring. Joffrey sighs and says to Autismus that he’s going to have to drown them in a pool of acid now. Walter throws a vial of something at Joffrey and misses, Joffrey steps in front of the others and casts thunderwave, trying to just destroy the contents of the room and rain all these substances down on the two drug techs, somehow not having any extra effects or damage. - Hulk Hogan crits on his opening attack and hits Walter with a metal chair from the room, flattening him into the ground, Autismus is impressed by the spectacle. - Back upstairs, Bubba is showing Squelch various women’s undergarments that he’s found in the laundry and is now wearing as PPE, giggling excessively. - Back downstairs, combat continues, Autismus and Joffrey lob spells and encouragement, mostly from range behind the big still in the middle of the room, while the two wrestlers surprisingly hold their own against Walter and Jessie. There are a lot of cool wrestling moves being performed and a lot of synergy as they tag team them, throwing their opponents to each other and performing clotheslines and leg drops etc. - Jessie takes a big hit of these drugs they are manufacturing and begins to glow, subsequent attacks do no damage to him, they slowly realise he’s now invulnerable. Autismus takes a “small ‘70s bump” of this drug experimentally, taking significant damage from it, but having no other effects. - Realising that Jessie is invulnerable, Joffrey changes tack and polymorphs him into a piglet that then spends the rest of combat scampering around ineffectually while glowing. The wrestlers, Autismus and Joffrey then focus all their efforts on Walter, who is having a terrible time and not really getting any attacks off as he’s slowly being destroyed in a grand wrestling spectacle. Autismus had some goopy acid spilled on him from a spout on the still after her accidentally stood under it. - Back upstairs, Squelch is becoming aware of all the booms and combat sounds echoing up the pipe from downstairs, he and Bubba enter the pipe and head down to join the rest of the party. Squelch starts being a massive buzzkill, trying to stop them from killing Walter, wanting to question him. Joffrey swaggers out arrogantly from behind the still, like Mr McMahon, and starts laying into Walter with his sword and dagger while he’s restrained, saying “no chance”. Hulk then gets Walter in a headlock and squeezes so hard that he pulls his head off. Joffrey is pumped up and giving the wrestlers and Autismus celebratory high fives, while Squelch is just annoyed and sulks. The piglet dies on it’s own after a minute, looking necrotic and zombified, reverting into Jessie’s form, before he melts down, dying horribly, it turns out the drug that granted invulnerability was also lethal after a short time. The party pauses for a moment seeing this, then everyone other than Squelch starts cheering again, still hyped up, while Squelch just says “what the fuck?” in dismay. - Now that they have a moment of calm, the wrestlers try to rip off some pipes etc from the still to get some improvised weapons, but Hulk fails. They all look around the room and see there are two doors, one is a large steel affair, the other is a wooden door. Joffrey asks Macho to go and open the metal door, while he tactically stands behind the still in case there is something nasty in there. Joffrey now also realises that Kilgore the Destroyer didn’t follow them in to the laundry and is still out in the street somewhere, he is annoyed but can’t be bothered trying to summon him, he’s quite happy with how the wrestlers are performing. - Squelch gets a whiff of all the chemicals and sulphur in the room and it triggers a memory for him of the dreams he has been having lately. He remembers being in hell, looking up at Zarveth, who then stomps on the imp, Schnitzel von Krump, that was on the ground next to him, murdering him. The black abishai, then tells him that his “queen”, his “god” (dragon queen) saved him, by pulling him out of Trae’Vhor’s office earlier, teleporting him there. Zarveth tells him to stand, then leads him through a colossal boneyard full of giant  skeletons, to a narrow, precarious bridge over a river of lava, beckoning for Squelch to run/jump across. Squelch Misty Steps across the gap instead, surprising Zarveth, who doesn’t think he should have this ability, but doesn’t comment. That’s all he remembers for now. - Back in reality, Macho Man opens the metal door, revealing a scribe in a clerks visor surrounded by piles of documents, looking startled. The other door in the main room opens and in charges a whole bunch of small fungal creatures, likely myconids and Autismus immediately launches twin-linked fireballs at them, levelling his staff at them like an A-10 Warthog (brrrrrrrt). They are all vaporised instantly, leaving only silhouettes burned into the walls and some spores. - Joffrey claps and says Autismus should do that all the time, giving him 50gp. Just then, their premature celebration is interrupted by more entities bursting into the room, these are large armoured turtles with shells covered in spikes. A very dramatic and clutch battle ensues, Macho Man and Squelch go down halfway through, with Squelch gaining a temporary injury, giving him disadvantage on actions. Joffrey cries out to Macho, seeing this happen and rushes to help him, but he’s dead, he reluctantly moves to help Squelch instead, walking through the chaos, somehow avoiding taking a single point of damage. Hulk dies shortly after, trying to kill Macho Man’s killer, then dying to the spikes on its shell when he tries to hit it. One of the turtles is a mage with an ornate brass codpiece that Joffrey casts Heat Metal on, causing his dick to get burned and him to drop his trousers/codpiece. - The fight ends, Autismus finishes off the last two creatures with a twin linked firebolt, with one of the projectiles following a turtles head de-elongating its neck down into it’s shell, then blowing it up. Joffrey rushes over and grasps Hulk’s hand as he dies, telling him he was a real American, then when he dies goes “anyway...” and checks Hulk and Macho’s pockets for their mercenary fees, not sure if he’d paid them yet and glad he doesn’t have to now. Bubba runs over to collect the brass codpiece, burning his hands on the still-hot metal, Joffrey stops concentrating on the Heat Metal spell after he hears him take damage. - Joffrey enters the scribe’s room and attempts to inspect some of the visible documents, then notices a scale for weighing gold, causing him to produce a dagger and hold it to the clerk’s neck, aggressively asking him where the gold is. He notices now that he is close to the clerk that he is covered in mushrooms and fungal growths. The documents are regarding shipping manifests and sales receipts for hundreds of thousands of gold worth of goods, Joffrey collects a clump of the most recently dated documents and dumps them into the bag of holding. Autismus enters and finds that there is a big lockbox/small vault and tries to open it, finding it locked; he goes to call for Bubba to unlock it, but Joffrey walks over and knocks on the top, unlocking it magically. Joffrey tilts it forwards, holding the bag of holding in front of the opening, collecting 750GP, but quickly closing the bag before the “brightly coloured green and white mushroom” that tumbles out of the safe can fall in there, he leaves that for Autismus and Bubba. Autismus snatches it up. - Joffrey returns to threatening the clerk, telling him he’s there for the second brother and losing his patience, he demands to know where he is and if there are any other valuables in this room, telling them to turn out their pockets. The clerk produces stationery and pencil shavings from his pockets and Bubba takes these. Joffrey tells him to “watch himself” and “don’t leave town” then stalks out of the room, towards another door deeper into the facility, in the direction of the second brother. - They take a moment to assess their condition, blown a lot of spells but in pretty good standing now, Squelch has healed himself to full, Joffrey full, Bubba 80%, Autismus gets a top-up from Joffrey, not too bad. They press on through the door where the enemies came from, sewer tunnel with grate walkway on one side, an acid river on the other side with pipes emptying into it. - They head in two abreast, Squelch and Bubba at the front, big carnivorous plant erupts from a pipe and attacks, chomping on bubba for big damage and engulfing him. The party has a tense and quick battle with this plant, defeating it relatively easily, Joffrey spent a lot of time in his mind palace searching for beast forms that he could polymorph Bubba in to to buff him, but took too long and by the time he’d thought of one that would fit in the tunnel, combat had ended. Joffrey gets the killing blow, cutting its head off at the stem with his sword, causing Bubba to flop out of it’s mouth, he is in very poor condition. - There are three doors ahead, they barrel straight through the centre door and enter a big chamber, full of pools of acid and other hazards, there is a big beholder hovering in the air. He says “Ah finally, Joffrey Tiefstein I presume?” and his anti magic cone envelops the party, causing Joffrey’s Ioun Stone to fall from the air, inert. There is an old man in a wheelchair on the other side of the room, attempting to ring a small bell on the arm that is making a strange muffled sound, Joffrey notices it’s not a proper bell, its the control gem for Tiefstein Tower… Session ends on cliffhanger.