dnd-lore/Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 12 (Notes).md

15/11/2025

• Everyone meets at the dock, ready to board "
Second Wind", Crux's self-healing, scabby old galleon with a couple of ballistas and a treant catapult.

• Goblins latch the lobster ship to the bottom of Second Wind and Squelch summons his steed, a celestial lizard with colour shifting sequin scales to help them get up on deck.

• Crux assembles his dodgy crew to present to the party, there are only 5 of them and they are a sorry bunch with various afflictions

• Crux warns Joffrey that the monkey man (Hatoozi) Mr Gibbons likes to argue and Joffrey tells him thats fine, he also loves to argue. "no, no, he likes to argue and then things escalate" Joffrey affirms that he is the same. "No i meant he will start throwing his own shit"

• Mr Gibbons doesn't believe in magic but is devoutly religious, Joffrey says not to worry, all his "spells" are just religious miracles

• Mr Gibbons is interested in fashion and dismayed by the state of Bubba, Squelch and Autismus, says he can help them out; invites Autismus to his quarters

• Is the lobster ship successfully attached ? Mark makes a blind role and will find out later

• Getting underway, how will the party help ? Bubba: whips the monkey-man to motivate him, Autismus: helps the crew with the ropes, Squelch starts CUTTING the mooring ropes, upsets Crux, Joffrey drags an ornate chair out of the captains office and sits down, then says something inspirational to the crew.

• Next issue is that the ride is a bit bumpy because of a dodgy spelljammer throne, got some illegal gravity fish to compensate; someone will need to feed them

• Autismus and Bubba go to feed them, they discover a hold full of 400 barrels of smokeleaf in all manner of varieties… the Elven allegations were true….

• the fish are large and like a cross between a piranha and a pufferfish.

• Bubba slings his rod under their tank with a guppy on it and it floats upward into their upside down tank and they hoe into it. One gets hooked but he cuts the line, only wants to feed them for now.

• Asked about his fishing rod and how much line he has, decides the line is made from tiefling hair as it’s very strong and sleek, he’s been harvesting it from Autismus’ head in his sleep to replenish his reel.

• Ship is stabilised now the fish are fed.

• Bubba and Autismus head upstairs again, bubba carrying his dog, ‘tismus considers using mage hand to help, dog is too heavy, decided to cast it on his balls instead.

• Those two don’t tell Joffrey or squelch what they found in the hold.

• Autismus has an aside with Crux and mentions the smokeleaf and asks if he’s in to dodgy shit, no just eats it but also helps to pay the crew and bills. Discuss weed and kelp sandwiches.

• Now nighttime, Autismus climbs to the crows nest to talk to the one eyed, hippy, lizard man that is meditating while he’s meant to be on watch. “Vask” centring his soul.

• Screaming noise starts very quiet and slowly increases in volume over an hour, Autismus hears it but everyone else is in bed. Squelch curled up on deck with lizard, bubba curled up with cinnamon on deck at the back of the ship, Joffrey in captains quarters with a fancy silk eye mask on in a nice bed.

• Autismus wakes Squelch and Bubba, goes downstairs and throws water over Joffrey to try and wake him. J magnifies voice and calls for silence, magically slams door, Autismus goes back in and tells Joffrey he heard a scary noise.

• Crux comes back on deck, says it’s the void goo and they need to deal with it or it will keep getting worse. Joffrey dismisses Autismus to go deal with it and goes back to bed.

• Black gunk on the front of the ship emitting noise, squelch goes to check with the lizard using its “spider climb” ability. Bubba tosses him a bottle and wants a sample, squelch experiments on it with his dagger, ineffective. It’s giving him a headache

• Autismus tries “feeding” it some of the space tobacco, doesn’t work. Tries lighting cigarette and pressing it in to the goo, no reaction.

• Squelch tries a bottle of acid, not enough liquid to get all the goo, only affects a small area.

• Joffrey is TRYING TO SLEEP! arrives on deck, asks to be sent down there, squelch won’t give up his lizard.

• Squelch decides to go under the ship and see if the lobster is still there - nope.

• Creampie is back at the Rock of Braal just floating there. Does int check, crit fails, likely attaches to a random ship and goes on an adventure.

• Mr Gibbons rocks up, asks what they are doing and why they aren’t using the goo squeegee ? Squelch gets tossed the squeegee and removes the goo successfully.

• Squelch rolls for how much thc was on that cigarette from Autismus that he took a drag on, 68%, he’s high as ball now.

• There’s a concern that he might have fallen off the lizard but remembers it has gecko skin and he’s stuck to it, doesn’t have to worry about a saddle.

• Bubba cleans off the squeegee into a vial to collect a sample of void goo.

• Squelch reveals the lobster is gone, Joffrey goes back to bed, sighing.

• Autismus asks Gibbon about void goo, he tells him it’s goo from the void ? It screams and probably eats light, clings to stuff and is the worst. See space hulks infested and eaten by it. Is a catty bitch and criticizes Autismus outfit. Invites him to his cabin if he’d like some help with it. It’s 2am. Gibbon is basically Glenn and has one button done wrong. Autismus declines.

• Everyone is back in bed, aut goes down to cargo hold to fill up on smokeleaf again, runs into Crux and catches him eating it.

• Joffrey wakes up the next day and is very crabby, the wind kept him up all night.

• They are still travelling to the edge of the system, can see a giant beam of light coming from their planet as it’s being consumed shooting off into the distance.

• Autismus wakes to find he’s missing a shoe, took them off before bed. Goes up on deck, starts raging about where his shoe is.

• He tries to order his imp to sniff his shoe and then sniff the other one out, his imp refuses, he’s not a slave, they argue for a while. Imp says HE should sniff his own shoe, Autismus does this intimidatingly and convinces the imp to sniff as well. Now what ? Sniff out the other shoe ? He’s not a sniffer dog! Autismus’ nose is ten times as big!

• Bubba uses his superior tracking skills to get the trail, leads him to mysterious chest. Taps it, starts growling, it’s the ship’s pet mimic. Advised to try offering something else to get his shoe back. It bites Bubba when he keeps fiddling with it.

• Autismus tries to offer it his sheepskin cape (from sheepgoblinborn ep1) not interested.

• tries 5 gold like fish food, it loves that, gobbles them up, still doesn’t get shoe back

• Crew member walking past laughs at Autismus, says mimic loves boots. It’s Peggy the deckhand, has a peg leg.

• Autismus considers stealing her peg leg with magic to feed to the mimic.

• Autismus manages to feed it 10 more gold and get back his shoe but loses the sheepskin cape in the process

• Been travelling for a couple of days, squelch concerned they don’t know where they’re going, Crux insists he knows, using a compass that is spazzing out. When questioned says that they’re going to his friend’s place, need star maps, lost his ability to navigate the astral sea; then they can find the astral elve’s armada and then join the fight against them.

• Bangs on about the astral elves attacking and big succing planets to fuel their home system’s dying star. When questioned about WHEN his homeward was destroyed, he admits it was decades ago and it took 2 months for total destruction.

• Only 4 hours from the cartographer’s place.

• Autismus returns to crow’s nest and asks Vask if Crux is nuts “he shits a lot” is all he has to say, as though this is profound, then takes a deep breath and returns to his meditation.

• Bubba and Joffrey make their respective animal handling rolls, Both fail and Joffrey is scratched and takes minor damage.

• Joffrey does his “here comes the money” intro on deck and makes it rain 20 silver to motivate the crew, autismus and the mimic appear and scrabble trying to get some of the coins

• Arrive at Toopla’s Tower, she’s standing on the dock jiggling about excitedly, her tower sort of looks like an offset pile of toilet rolls; have to park the ship further out and take a jolly boat in to her dock, who’s rowing ? Not Joffrey

• Crux stands on the bow of the rowboat, Joffrey stands slightly in front of him with his sword out, dramatically.

• As they’re crossing the distance, a glowing light appears and gets brighter, then this giant, 20 foot long, Scaver appears with huge jaws and tries to frighten the party and crux. Frightens Bubba

• Attacks Joffrey, 29 to hit, does 27 dmg but doesn’t succeed in swallowing him or frightening him

• The fish is defeated mostly by Bubba, Joffrey resigns himself to rowing after he can’t cast heat metal on the hook or really do any damage at range; Autismus lobs spells and Squelch also focuses on rowing as he’s frightened. Autismus and Joffrey almost got one-shot during the fight

• Squelch jumps off the boat as soon as its near enough to the dock and retreats, followed by Joffrey, who immediately heals himself as much as he can.

• Autismus gets killing blow with magic missile, Bubba harvests its head and some void skaver scales

• Upon its death it vomits up a dwarven body, its a skeleton inside of a “fish suit” (basically a scuba/space suit that gives you a move speed improvement in water/space)

• Bubba loots fish suit, Autismus searches the body and removes its golden tooth.

• Joffrey reminds them to make sure someone ties up the boat and Bubba does.

• Crux didn’t help at all, gets off boat, congratulates party and warmly greets Toopla

• Toopla asks if they are there to help her out with her predicament; what predicament ?

• Autognomes she got along with the new telescope she bought have gone mad with security and locked her out of her tower.

• Offers Joffrey the sheet with the instructions/code on it, he informs her that he has no need of keys, snaps his fingers and casts “Knock” from 20 meters away, unlocking the door instantly.

• She asks him how good he is at not being charmed by enormous tits, he says he does the charming around here, crit succeeds his wisdom save; she’s very taken with him and his ability to resist her.

• She mentioned all the new expensive equipment she’d bought and he disregarded her and immediately went to enter the tower.

• He walks through the door and is immediately downed by the trap that is on the front door that causes it to slam outwards into him putting his head through the door, it does 10d6 dmg (43 dmg)

• Squelch manages to succeed in removing him from the door and saves him from perma-death, then heals him for 20

• Joffrey proceeds to heal himself as best he can, again, now furious and stressed from almost dying twice in the last 10 mins and being kept up at night by the void ooze.

• Grabs Toopla and starts dragging her to push her through the door in-front of him, Crux jumps in front of him, protests and tries to diffuse the situation. Manages to calm things down and restore order after asserting that this was caused by the Autognomes, not by Toopla.

• Go in to tower, grow tubs and magic garden, grow lights, fruits, wheat etc being grown, some Autognomes working that aren’t crazy

• Toopla says it must be the ones in the top of the tower that she set to enhanced security mode that are the issue.

• Sealed circular hatch in the roof, rope hanging down that magically levitates you up or down when you hold it

• Mechanism with a bucket of gears etc 3m off the ground that seems to be what you have to manipulate to enter the code for the hatch.

• Autismus tries to get his imp to go up and check out the bucket, comes back and reports its full of gears

• Joffrey expresses his displeasure at all they have had to go through just to get here, and that they should just blow up the hatch, topple protests damaging her house and asks them nicely not to.

• Joffrey tells her that she doesn’t understand all the hardships and lies they’ve had to endure, crux is full of shit; Toopla says that he doesn’t lie, he’s the most …. Un-lie-iest person that she knows, he wouldn’t lie to her, they’re friends.

• Joffrey says how does she know they are friends, crux might have lied to her and she looks nervously at crux and asks what Joffrey knows, what has he said and he ignores her, leaves her on read.

• Joffrey tries to send Mr Gibbons a message with the details of the riddle as they are all struggling to figure out the code to open the door; when the puzzle is finally solved, Gibbons replies with the same value.

• Squelch goes through the hatch first after checking for traps, there is a kitchen with a pair of Autognomes preparing food, oblivious to anything, passive, there is a bedroom corner with a wardrobe etc, window, bookshelves etc.

• Toopla is happy and goes up with them, pleased to see the gnomes preparing food and invites everyone to have dinner.

• Out the window they can see their ship and the dock etc nothing out of the ordinary.

• Another hatch in the ceiling, appears to be magic, glowing, intricate glyphs, hovering magic cogs, looks like some Dr Strange portal shit.

• Bubba examines the gnomes in the gardens on the ground floor while autismus and squelch are upstairs; Joffrey lingers for a second but goes up when the hatch appears safe.

• Joffrey tries to do an appraisal of the Autognomes, apparently roughly 1500 gold

• Squelch tries to talk to one of the cooking autonomies but they aren’t really helpful or able to speak beyond saying their current assigned task and their number designation. Number 1 priority is to protect Toopla, number 2 priority is to cook food

• Toopla shows them how she can create windows at will in her tower, the walls can go transparent and Squelch goes outside to see if he can see any windows on the top level from the outside, there are none, its completely sealed currently.

• Autismus examines the magic hatch, can see its an insane magic lock but it would be possible to sort of hack through it with his arcana skill, theoretically. Doesn’t look dangerous, uses perception anyway and can’t see any traps.

• Joffrey asks Autismus if he needs some help from dad after he fails hopelessly to open the magic lock

• Joffrey casts knock on the door after some confusion on whether the knock spell could work on arcane locks; it would work, but he doesn’t use it for now, allowing others to try and solve the puzzle.

• Bubba makes an attempt and fails

• Toopla asks if they can break the door down, contradicting her previous sentiment that they weren’t to damage her home

• Autismus casts magic missile at the door to see what happens, it doesn’t do any damage but it does increase his intelligence score unexpectedly.

• Joffrey asks Toopla if she knows anything about what just happened, but she has no idea and is unhelpful.

• Squelch goes up and hits the door with his sword, gains some intelligence as well but the door takes no visible damage.

• Autismus, Squelch and Bubba continue trying to hit the door to see what happens and their intelligence continually increases with each hit.

• This causes their arcana checks against the magical lock mechanism to progressively get easier.

• Autismus casts detect thoughts on Toopla to see what she is thinking and she is thinking lewd thoughts about Crux.

• Squelch is now up to 20 intelligence, the smartest person there now, makes another arcana check on the lock and fails.

• Squelch demands that Joffrey cast Knock on the door, reaching peak frustration.

• Joffrey maliciously complies and wants to cast Knock and hopefully spring a trap that hits him.

• Unfortunately it only unlocks one level of this lock and there are multiple levels to it; Joffrey is very frustrated by this

• Squelch continues hitting it, getting smarter, but failing to unlock it.

• Bubba has the idea of hitting the door as fast as possible to try and rapidly increase his intelligence and starts rabbit punching it from underneath.

• Even with over 40 intelligence now, Bubba still fails to unlock the lock, hilariously

• Autismus succeeds in unlocking the next level of the lock with a nat 20, it still has more layers

• Joffrey decides to just blow a hole in the ceiling next to the hatch instead and casts thunder wave on the ceiling “I tire of this” and succeeds in cracking it.

• Joffrey commands Squelch to hit the cracked section with his sword; Autismus hits its with magic missile instead and finishes it off.

• Toopla starts screaming, upset that they are breaking her building

• Squelch gets hit by some of the debris and takes 4 dmg

• Two Autognomes are up on the next floor working away with wrenches on some round contraption; when the party goes upstairs, their head rotate around backwards to look at them and they start shouting “INTRUDERS!” In mechanical voices.

• After a very brief fight, the party destroys both of them and they are each disassembled in to 40 different parts

• Toppla comes up to that level of the tower and complains about her damaged Autognomes, then thanks them for at least avoiding damage to her telescope and cartography materials.

• Crux tells her where they are intending to head, to the Griff Armada in “Doom Space, to lead an assault on the Zoraxian Empire, and asks her if she now has access to star charts etc that can aid them

• Toopla says she hasn’t charted that system, it would take quite a bit of time, but she can offer them an Astral Orrery, that works by showing the wielder where they are intending the Astral Sea at all times, aiding navigation.

• Joffrey looks at all the charts around the room and suggests to Bubba and Squelch quietly that they gather all of that up and take her telescope to put on the galleon.

• Crux seems like he would be a problem and prevent them from taking anything so Joffrey asks him to head down to the boat and get it ready for launch while they apologise and clean up after the damage they’ve done to Toopla’s Tower.

• As soon as he leaves, Joffrey quietly suggests casting Suggestion on Toopla to manipulate her into letting them take everything but Squelch is extremely resistant to this and is protesting.

• Joffrey sees that Squelch is a very big obstruction and decides to cast Suggestion on him instead. Squelch is arguing with him and he accuses Joffrey of being up to “some sketchy shit” and doesn’t want to go outside and clean up.

• Joffrey casts Suggestion on him but Squelch is able to resist the spell successfully and says it’s time for them to leave, NOW!

• Joffrey changes tack and convinces Toopla that these gnomes are quite dangerous if handled incorrectly and he’s concerned about leaving her with them, and she agrees to give him the 2 damaged gnomes and an owners manual for them.

• While Joffrey is gathering up all the parts, Autismus pockets one to hamper Joffrey’s plan to reassemble them.