dnd-lore/Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 5.5 (Notes).md

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aliases:
  - Session 5.5
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3/5/2025 - Brown Mesa Goblin One-Shot

Jack: Preacher Maynard

Kyle: Dy Vurzidy

Kye: Grekko

Nightmares:
Dy Vurzidy - there are only 2 genders, goblin female oppression.

Preacher - Stuck in Melbourne and can’t escape; there are Indian coffee vendors everywhere.

Grekko - in a cold sweat, all Neverwinter Fried Chicken (NFC) are closing down.

“Finally awake” scene in the back of a wagon travelling through the forest.

Exposition about how they encountered villagers/humans on the way in the countryside that they questioned/killed. Villagers mostly told them that there is no building at the place that they indicated, its only a cave/hole in the ground, nothing has been there in their lifetime.

Last person they encounter is an old hermit in the woods that they let live, he tells them that there truly wasn’t anything there recently but then a building appeared overnight in the hollow space where the cave mouth used to be.

The goblins arrive at the exterior of the facility, a high quality construction wall with a large round door and wall sconces flanking it. When they approach, the sconces alight with green flame and the door rolls open automatically in an inviting fashion.

Grekko inserts his torch into one of the sconces and collects some green flame, mystified by it.

They enter the door and find themselves in a grand entryway/foyer, it features a fine stone floor and polished steel walls and ceiling. There is an admin desk on the right hand side in front of the “business managers” office and deeper into the space are a series of pedestals with decorative artefacts under glass flanking the walkway.

On the wall above the admin desk is a fancy sign of metal letters on the wall “Brown Mesa: Magical Research and Development”

Dy, as the current leader of this squad, takes her team to the Business managers office after collecting the staff directory from the admin desk. They enter, preacher takes the lead into the space and approaches the desk, does not see the sleeping giant venomous snake behind it that attacks him, injuring him.

Combat begins and Grekko throws his green flaming torch on to the desk in an effort to distract or injure the snake but it is comfortably behind it and unaffected.

Dy fails to hit it

Preacher misses

The snake rounds the desk and attacks Grekko, he wrestles with it and it tries to constrict him, but he has a body like Grekko and resists before killing it, cutting it in half horizontally.

Preacher squeezes out the snakes guts and collects the wet skin that he drapes around himself; Dy snaps off the fangs and keeps those.

Grekko finds a dagger in the manager’s desk “Kurzdun”.

Preacher checks the key cabinet and finds that all the spare keys are gone but on the poorly filled out log there is mention of one being with Beatrice in the Yellow Lab and another is with Jeff in the Blue Lab.

There was some paperwork on the table and in the desk incriminating Leon Tusk in using funds to prop up his other businesses but goblins don’t care about that shit and Grekko dumps it all into the fire spreading on the top of the desk.

Group decide to check pedestals in the lobby, find they are mostly cultural artefacts, bent sticks, bone cups etc but find one that has a nice ring in it and another up the back that has a shiny helmet in it.

Grekko hands off his plain iron ring to Preacher and suggests that he swap it out, Indiana jones style after preacher notices the trip wire on the inside of the glass cases that would activate when opened.

Grekko studies the wires and thinks they might be a trap that would electrocute you when opening it.

Dy has them stand back and then destroys the glass case with an eldritch blast, the ring falls to the floor and starts to roll towards them, mystically attracting their attention. Dy collects the ring.

Lightning goes off and strikes the wall but doesn’t affect them as they are by a doorway.

Dy continues blasting cases but destroys the mundane contents; preacher avoids the lightning by standing in a doorway with no metal.

Destroys the case with the helm and trees to hand it to Grekko but finds out she can’t get rid of it, it’s cursed and now attuned to her. Puts it on.

Grekko busts open the padlock on the artefact storage room at the far end of the entryway, janitors closet inside with a door at the back with storage. Inside there is a table with carefully arranged candles on it, one stands out that is in a nice candelabra and is heavily ornamented.

Preacher greedily grabs it and 3 kobolds bust out of the walls “you no takey candle” and attack party

The first one stabs Grekko in the knee

Dy uses cold touch on one and withers it, killing it “Karen’s cold touch”.

Preacher bonks one with his mace and squashes its candle with it barely alive.

Grekko gets stabbed in his other knee and the kobold is hanging off his knees by his knives. Grekko stabs it with Kurzdun and kills it but suffers a stabbing pain in his back, finds out the dagger is cursed and he can’t get rid of it.

Dy blasts the last kobold to bits.

Preecha complains pitifully about not having a chance to recover since being bitten by the snake.

Grekko uses his food ability, finds a body temp tinned pie in his pocket and gives it to preacha that restores a small amount of health. He also finds a tin of expired nut meat on a shelf in the janitors closet and eats it, causing him to be sick and lose some health.

Kobold bodies dissolve away.

Preecha realises he dropped the candle and tries to pick it up again “you no take candle” 3 more kobolds appear and Dy/Grekko realise the outer door is sealed when this happens.

Grekko tries throwing the dagger, it misses the target but re appears in his back where he felt the pain earlier but it doesn’t do damage.

Dy blasts one of the kobolds to death

Preacher is stabbed to death by kobolds

Dy kills another - critical hit

Dy dies as the ring sucks her soul out from performing a critical hit

The ring falls off and starts to roll across the room towards Grekko who jams it on, notices a mushroom in his shoe and eats it for some health back. Then he stabs the final kobold to death after it misses him.

Kobold bodies dissolve away.

orb of light leaves Preecha’s chest and goes through back wall

Leon Tusk appears, well dressed human “do you see ?”

Grekko collects Preecha’s Holy Hand Grenade as well as the magic helmet, limps out to the admin desk to take a short rest.

Vrek (Jack) and Pisspot (Kyle) rock up, along with Roblin that asks to join them. Grekko attempts to dismiss him and is overruled by the new leader, Vrek, who instead orders Roblin to shadow Grekko who is happy to do so and does the Rimmer salute.

Grekko makes Roblin open one of the remaining glass cases to retrieve a bent stick and gets him electrocuted.

Vrek orders him to open the door to the Yellow Lab and step in; he complies and rotates on the spot describing being in the small airlock and nothing happens.

Vrek has him attempt to open the inner door, this causes the outer to slam shut and gas starts to fill the space; he jokes about it getting harder to breathe and asks them to open the outer door. They fake desperately trying to open it and allow him to be gassed.

Turns out there was a lever to operate the gas, it’s for cleaning employees before they enter the yellow lab, robin just didn’t see/comprehend it. Note from management that sometimes the automatic gas system gets stuck on and requires a manual reset with the lever.

The others make it through with no issue and notice the warmth and humidity; room seems corroded and mouldy, likely from the humidity.

2 diagonal slabs, one with a corpse on it and the other with a beige magical field around it.

Pisspot studies the dead body and finds that it looks like something burst out of the body rather than it being ravaged by an external attacker.

Beatrice is in the field, magically suspended, has the spare keys on a lanyard visible.

The lads investigate the bed, there are some simple rune controls on the bottom “on/off” and a triangular slot behind a flap for some unknown utility.

Grekko thinks she probably has some sort of monster in her and they should lower the force field, drop the holy hand grenade in and then turn it back on and blow her up.

They turn off the field, drop in the Holy Hand Grenade and then realise it won’t turn back on and Beatrice wakes up holding the grenade and starts to question them. Grekko dives away just before the explosion goes off leaving Beatrice near death and Vrek and Pisspot badly injured.

Beatrice is extremely upset and panicked and starts raving that they have to be quiet just before brown drips land on her shoulder and they all look up as a xenomorph rust monster drops down and bites her head off.

Combat starts:

Pisspot lobs a jar of piss at the monster but the shiny magic helmet that Grekko is wearing draws his attention and makes him target that instead.

Vrek attempts to fire an arrow and similarly is drawn to Grekko’s magic helmet, killing him.

Pisspot attacks with his longsword that dissolves on contact with the beast after doing mild damage.

Xenomorph attacks and dissolves Pisspot’s armour and shield in a couple of attacks

Ultimately kills passport and the ring slips off his finger and begins to roll towards Vrek, pulling his attention to it.

In a last ditch effort he puts the ring on and attacks, however it sucks his soul out on a crit and the party wipes.

As he dies, he sees the Xenomorph freeze and begin to dissolve away.

Kye: Grizzle Gutz

Jack: Fizzle
Kyle: Critz Go’Turden, Jonesy the cat

The party are in the mess hall poking around, Critz summons his cat, Jonesy, and tells it to investigate the food area. It does so with gusto and proceeds to knock everything off of the table and pulls out all of the items onto the floor.

2 orbs of light waft through the wall and proceed through the room, before leaving through the window at the opposite end.

The look out of the observation window at the opposite end and witness the demon engine and the reality tear, feel primal fear as they see it. Observation window has tiered stadium/theatre seating in front of it.

Proceed down the corridor on the opposite side of the room from admin, Grizzle Gutz sees a trip wire and a note on the far side that says “caution”.

Steps over the wire, note says “Caution: Trip Hazard, employees are reminded not to look up.”

He heeds the advice, as does fizzle and they keep moving down the hall.

Critz tries to order Jonesy to check the corridor for them but she is disinterested and fucking around like a cat.

Critz uses his knife’s reflection to inspect the ceiling and notices another note attached there, directly above the other. He steps over the wire and looks up, it says “Aubergine”.

“Aubergine ?” He says, confused and the magic words cause the trapdoor under him to open. He almost falls in and dies, barely manages to grab the edge, Jonesy jumps onto his back and claws him trying not to fall as he climbs out.

They move to the Cyan lab, mill around inside, tanks full of liquid and drowning zombies, crystals and metal rods pointing at the tanks, seem inert currently.

Fizzle inspects small desk in the corner and discovers Hoover’s workstation, recovers his journal and the Suckinator Mk1 wand. Critz finds another cursed wand on the central table and alerts Fizzle to it to collect.

Critz finds the dagger of forked tongues

Grizzle inspects the zombies in the tank and considers breaking one to get the potentially magic water “maybe it’s the fountain of youth or potion of immortality ?”.

Critz smashes the glass on one while he’s umming and erring.

Critz is attacked by the zombie, then hides, and zombie comes out and attacks Grizzle instead.

It does some damage to him before Critz re-appears and stabs it in the back with his new dagger

Zombie crits Grizzle for big damage and Grizzle hits it back, managing to kill it.

Grizzle finds a cursed magic lantern in the storage cupboard covered in test tubes.

Grizzle tastes the water from the tank but its regular water, a bit undead-y.

They move on to the Blue lab and find a big door with water seeping out from under it, a corpse slumped up against it reaching for the bar holding it shut.

There is a table covered in chemistry stuff with a small water elemental trapped under a glass case, surrounded by crystals and metal rods similar to the cyan lab.

Water from under the door feels like it’s looking at them; Grizzle Gutz messes with it and tastes it, angry water, maybe carbonated ?

Puddle starts to fizz and animate, ripples appear in the surface, there is a thud on the other side of the large, barred door.

Critz thinks of using his cat figurine to store the small water elemental and take it with them, deduces that it’s likely a fragment of a larger elemental, perhaps it’s how they reproduce ?

Maybe there is a big, angry water elemental behind the door.

Banging gets progressively louder and more violent, dents start to appear and the bar begins to shift.

Critz stores the small water elemental in Jonesy’s figuring and they flee from the lab; Grizzle locks the door with the keys he found on the dead body.

They decide to go to the yellow lab and find the aftermath of the previous encounter that wiped out the other party.

They shine the magic lantern around like a black light and discover stains on Roblin’s face that seem incongruous with the injuries he’s received.

Grizzle Gutz retrieves the magic ring that is seen rolling towards them

No sign of monster and they check the hatchery room at the rear and find 3x hatched eggs along with a sign from management informing them to stay quiet and not wake the babies. (Shushing librarian stock image)

There isn’t much else of interest and they head to the red lab next

The cat keeps spazzing out trying to get the ring off of its ankle intermittently

Discover blood based experiments, another bed/slab on a 45 degree angle for someone to recline on, big tank of red viscous liquid with a hose and needle.

Big metal locker on one side of room, glass case on the wall with red crowbar inside “break in case of emergency”. one the other side is a suspicious apple press looking contraption with red fluids all over it and in the collection compartment underneath.

Grizz opens the metal locker and 3 cherubs (undead flying babies that look a bit squashed) burst out along with 3 head crabs that deal him some damage.

Fizzle casts magic missile on them and does some distributed damage; the one charging at him hits the wall behind him and slides to the ground. The cursed wand drains his intelligence as he casts the spell and he feels himself become retarded.

Grizzle ends up with a head crab latched on to him after killing a cherub, something thunks into his head and he starts to lose control of his body.

Critz decides to try and help him by sneak attack critting the head crab, does enormous damage and stabs through it into Grizzle’s brain, killing him instantly.

Another head crab latches on to the cat

Fizzle magic missiles the cherubs again and kills two of them that were previously weakened. Executes the one on the ground by him.

Critz breaks glass and picks up the crowbar, levers off the head crab on the cat and kills it. Fizzle kills the last remaining head crab.

Shortly after, Gonad the Ballbarian enters the room and joins the band (Kye)

Investigate the viewing gallery next, look through to the forge, nothing of interest in there, some notes that Gonad feeds into the flames of the wall sconces.

They enter the forge room, find the magical item forge, big clear tanks of metallic fluid, mould on the table in the shape of a gun, Fizzle confused by this and not sure what it is.

Activation runes on the front along with a triangular slot behind a flap; Critz activates the machine, a big press comes down, the fluid is injected and it produces a BFG 9000.

After a ding, the draw slides open and there are 4 magic shells to load into it that he takes with him.

Gonad finds the Plate of the Martyr among the tool benches along the side of the room.

Nothing else of value in here, looks like a smelter for producing the metallic fluid and chemistry stuff. (Add blueprints and notes on items)

Door on far side reads “directors private gallery, through to Directors office and primary experiment chamber”.

Enter the screaming gallery, faces on walls along with name badges of staff members underneath them like plaques. Faces are somehow animate and screaming/crying/wailing, “furniture” is animate flesh, distorted shapes of people.

Enter Director’s Office, find his notes and a necklace of ascension, Fizzle dons this and attempts to use it. He fails and is horrifically turned into a semi living end table that scuttles out to the gallery, joining the other furniture. The Suckinator wand and the necklace fall from his corpse but the cursed items seem to be fused to his body.

Seems likely that Leon Tusk succeeded in operating this item and has become an entity of the nightmare realm.

Gonad retrieves the necklace

Frog Noggin joins the team in the gallery, loots the suckinator wand, and they move towards the primary experiment chamber.

Enter chamber and find chair linked to machine with big spooky orb; see a big tear in mid air above it that appears to show a nightmare like reality on the other side. Nightmare reality frightens them and causes a small amount of psychic damage but Critz is unaffected with his sunglasses.

The lever on the machine requires 2 round objects to be inserted to operate, can’t see a path forwards other than using the chair.

Gonad throws the necklace through the tear but nothing appears to happen.

They decide the sacrifice Jonesy the cat rather than entering the chair themselves and she is horribly killed absorbing energy from the nightmare realm. Energy is channeled into the machinery and off into the facility. Ring falls off the cat and is claimed by Gonad.

Gonad is disconcerted and tries to flee saying they’ve completed their mission but the door is sealed.

Tear gets a bit wider and suddenly hands grab the edges from within and seem to pry it open and Leon Tusk emerges threateningly.

He has a ritual dagger covered in blood and beckons to them with the other hand seeming to want them to join him.

Critz fires both chambers of the BFG 9000 into him, metal music blaring in his mind, blows Leon to bits and his head falls to the floor, releasing 2x gems from his eye sockets that fit the machine.

Critz takes the gems and turns off/reverses the machine, causes the tear to seal up and the facility seems to become dormant, weird green flames go away, all doors now open etc.

They make their way back to the front door, find its locked/un-energized, triangular slot by the opening mechanism.

They realise this is the purpose of the Suckinator wand, it can be used to power things with soul energy. Frog Noggin makes the ultimate sacrifice and shoots himself in the head, withering up and the gem is lit up with power.

They (Gonad) insert it into the door, activate it and step outside; briefly try to catch their breath, all seems well until a metal hand clamps onto Critz shoulder.

Oblivion style guard that’s been following the trail of murders in the countryside tells him he is under arrest and Critz mag dumps the BFG into him, killing them both in the explosion. His head flies off and the sunglasses are still on him, undamaged, his dying face is a smile, he went out in an awesome way. BFG is now ruined and Gonad is able to escape to the horses and carts. He has the ring, Plate of the Martyr, Suckinator wand and the forked tongue dagger on him.

Boblin, Roblin’s twin brother is waiting for him and welcomes him back, Gonad considers killing him as he immediately annoys him and tells him they have a long journey and he has a joke book to entertain them.

They ride off into the sunset and off camera, the torches outside the facility reignite and the door opens to the sound of Leon Tusk’s laughter.