dnd-lore/Seighell/Joffrey's Diary/Session 10 (Notes).md

4/10/2025

Ship lands erect at the dock, Dyson’s finished his research, Ioun stone of perpetual head scratching +1 int

Autismus doesnt want it

Bubba stashes it for now, wants to put it on a ring, gets gem back once it’s socketed. gives the ring to autismus

big crash into the dock beside the tower, creampie the pilot crashes the space lobster after flailing with levers

squelch gets out and says to straighten it up fuckwit

solkanaar glides down smoothly with a bubble around his head and lands; thinks devils planted the seeds and destroyed the planet with big suck, concerned about their power, wants any information we have.

the rock is a the hub, should be able to get more information, looking for hoover, flies off

Joffrey greets squelch and gives him illithid breastplate +1

autismus looking at his illithid coin and thinking about it, couldn’t be currency, they don’t use currency, hive mind. puts it in his pocket

joffrey going off to market to sell shit, takes 2 vials of replicator dust and lucky rabbit foot off bubba, gets 3 breasted yeti bikini off of autismus

slowbad is coming with the group, squelch finds out he’s a tinkerer and is asking him about upgrading his hammer. “hefty power supply” maybe you should come back to my tribe “the scrapjacks”. he’s a head shorter than squelch, like a midget goblin, different tribe perhaps, squintier eyes.

old dwarves fisherman sitting around winking and nodding at bubba, trying to get his attention. Bubba trying to communicate with him, asks if there is anything unique around here fishing wise. “have you ever heard of a skaver?”

Bubba and this dude talking a bunch of wank about fish “little brown ones, big ones, void ones with glowing red eyes etc”, secret society of fisherman, need to rep up with their faction by fishing, Jahn the fisherman, you should come with me on a trip, i’m here all the time, just check all the good fishing spots around, someone like you should be able to find them. Bubba says he should come find him in a couple days

joffrey goes off to dock master, reads all forms, fees for parking, height of it etc, don’t have a pre existing booking, not a part the merchants guild

joffrey gets him down from 100gp to 5gp, gets on well, both men of culture, talking about scales don’t use them bring your own this place is incredibly corrupt.

Squelch talking to slowbad, tells him to go to happy beholder and find commodore crux

Joffrey negotiates to keep the hamsters on extended loan from slowbad, he’s grateful to be saved etc, joffrey was willing to pay 10x the price of a standard labourer (1gp) per day.

The rest of the party head off towards the happy beholder for drinks and info. all races there, insect people, tiefling, hippo people etc.

giant beholder floating around eying everyone, happy af, got an apron on, hovering drinks etc around with telekinesis from his eyes etc.

welcome, booth over there, can i get you some drinks ? Bubba: sprite ? i can get you some spite !

autismus wants space vodka, spodka, some spacekraut. Squelch wants some water…

in the corner is a big giff (hippo person), commodore crux drowning his sorrows, empties all around him.

Bubba scooting his chair over to him accross the whole bar; asks him what’s wrong with a big smile


“bureaucratic leeches and pointy eared cowards” hates elves etc, stupid elves with their stupid ears, don’t give a fuck about their ancestral home, blow the fuck out of it.

Autismus keen, sits down and says he overheard about space elves, he hates them too

what do you hate the most “their fucking ears” they’ve wormed their way into society, film and banking etc.

GIff taken aback by autismus passionate outburst

he’s been fighting the assholes for years, they sucked off his entire homeland, he used to be in the navy, the giff have nothing left. got booted out of navy for drinking too much. ships been impounded, falsified charges, something about transport tariffs. Autismus : fucking eleven bullshit.

he was gonna join the armada and fight back. they’re draining planets dry just to sustain their sun, they should let it die. they fly to your planet, squirt their seed all over it and suck you dry.

TRUMPED UP TARRIFS! we should build a wall around the whole space elf system!

Squelch says they have a ship, he wants to get his own ship and crew back. if they can help him get it back, he’ll take them to the armada and they can help him. He says they’ve suspended his spelljammer license, he was provoked, he didn’t mean to hit the elf ambassador first.

Squelch suggests making the elf ambassador disappear, the charges would go with him! that’s a great idea !

he has these body guards tho, 3x of them, 8 feet tall, big blazing swords etc.

Autismus says they just killed 3x elfstartes, should be able to take em.

bubba asks for map of the city, there’s one on the wall that he can look at, bubba takes it.

space talent show in 2 hours time 1st prize sentient magic item, 2nd prize clearing bar tab, flier on the wall, 3 parts to it, can enter in teams of 3, people can do different things, 1st impress the crowd, 2nd round quizz, 3rd round is a fight to the death.

on their way back to docks they pass an aristocratic elf in finery, seems very snide and is looking down his nose at everyone. Autismus returns his expression and spits at his feet.

Joffrey has arranged repairs etc, ship is now in drydock

Group tell him about talent show, joffrey takes dyson, from the ship,

squelch telling me about crux’s issues with lawyers, impounded ship, tarrifs etc, he’s very interested.

Joffrey wants to enter too, enters dyson for quiz, random mercenary veteran with a longsword “Kilgore the Destroyer”

austismus goes up to bookie bets 5gp on each of them to win

Joffrey goes up, performative, leaning on cane etc, coughing, lies about entering and not being very good. manages to convince him, given 5 to 1 odds, bets 20gp (max bet), stands up smartly “thanks very much” strides off with flames coming from bagpipes. bookie looking salty.

beholder running show “happy luigi” welcoming everyone, random group gets called up, crowd only luke warm, not very excited so far.

random elf is first up (not a space elf), shooting ping pong balls out of her dress, autismus frantically trying to catch them, quite excited. 2 people fighting over one of the balls etc.

up next is random orc, some cheering from his team, out come plate of swords etc, starts eating them, swallowing them. no one is as excited as by the elf chick.

Bubba gets called up next, says he’s a trained professional, don’t do this at home, he flops out his dick under a cloth and is doing puppetry of the penis, going through his cast fishing rod etc, floating around as it’s secretly replaced be the invisible imp.

Joffrey plays his flaming bagpipes and does the solo from “a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll”, rolls a 9, pretty meh.

next up is another halfling, does juggling and acrobatics, pretty good, joffrey claps while others boo

scores : elf - 6/5, orc swallows - 3/5, bubba - 1/5, joffrey 3/5, halfling juggling 4/5.

Round 2 quiz:

General lore question: who is the goddess of magic in the setting?

Jack: John ?

Dyson: rolls 15, knows the answer.

Second question: which outer plane is home to demons

Jack: abyss ? Correct

Dyson: 10 total, doesnt know

Third question: what is the maximum spell level that a wizard can cast

Jack: 10 ?

Dyson: rolls 17, knows the answer

Fourth question: how many hit points does a bag of holding have ?

Jack: none ? correct


Dyson: rolls 4, doesn’t know

Final question: name the chromatic dragon goddess

Jack: Tiamat

Dyson: rolls 16 correct

3 points each for this round, another team got 3, others scored low

ranking elves: 6, orcs 5, chads 4, joffrey on 6, halflings 7

Final round: combat “Luigi says we can’t have a fight to the death in city limits, it’s going to be an arm wrestle competition against the bouncer.

Joffrey team initiative 10, squelch 9, elves 13, orcs 1, halflings 13

elves get the by

Kilgore 20 vs halflings 18, halflings eliminated

Squelch tries to intimidate orcs, fails, orc rolls a 1 anyway, squelch 15; breaks the orc’s arm

kilgore gets the by in this round

squelch rolls 22, beats the elf,

Kilgore and Squelch in the final round

Kilgore gets 7, squelch rolls high and beats him

Final ranking:
halflings: 8

orcs: 6

elves: 8

chads: 9

Joffrey: 10

Bubba’s team get theirs and Crux’s bar tab payed off, joffrey gets a sentient desk lamp called Lumio. basically rob the lamp

Group goes to the great market, joffrey vendors all their mundane shit, rolls 26 persuade, gets 200% item value, 1386gp

autismus gives him 250 gp from his winnings to divvy up; Joffrey offers the party 200gp each, but offers a deal to keep half their wages to help them negotiate for whatever they would like to buy. Bubba and autismus accept

dispenses 400gp total, 100 each to aut and bubba, 200 for squelch

autismus confused about giving him 250 gp but only getting 100 back

joffrey waves them on, don’t worry about it, you don’t have a head for money

Joffrey spends 30 gp after rolling a 1 on upgrading his armor to fancy captains coat and gets a new fancy spanish style captains hat with a big feather in it.

Bubba wants a magic blow gun, asks joffrey to help him, initial offer is 200gp, says 300 for a tiefling after seeing joffrey, joffrey tries to haggle, the man says if the goblin does a backflip, he’ll make it 150gp. Squelch succeeds, joffrey tries to offer him clear sapphires to reduce the price to 100 but he wont budge, says he has no use for marbles around here.

autismus offered a “belt of gender changing” by a random vendor, he declines

Autismus looking for defence, finds a cloak of protection for 250gp, fails rolls but gets him down to 225; he says he’ll think about it and goes and tells joffrey

joffrey comes into the store with a sad old man act, shows the vendor the cloak and says he could use something to stop his son from beating him, he’s very vulnerable, rolls 21, gets him down to 115, offers him clear sapphires, wont budge, tells him to go to the jewellers and sell them then come back with the money.

Joffrey accepts 115, abruptly stops acting poorly and walks out of the shop, autismus pays 100 out of pocket, joffrey pays the 15 from the pot.

down to 1091 gold.

squelch gone to slowbads clan building, wants to get his hammer aesthetically improved.

Squelch explaining how his tribe is in the service of a black dragon, she took the fish people and goblins with her into space when planet was big sucked. chunk of the planet she took with them.

he expresses that he wants to go home, wishes their planet wasn’t getting sucked, its not dead yet.

slowbad says they should go with com. crux and help them fight against the elves.

says he’d like to kill the dragons too, asks if they could modify his hammer for dragon killing

he’d like a chunk of a planet just for his tribe

slowbad suggests that the whacksplat could be used as a fuel source for a big rocket

squelch opts to leave the weapon with him, takes a +1 mace equivalent off him, basically some scrap metal.

leaves there, bubba wants to go fishing, looks like graveyard would be an acceptable place to access the lake. whistling and wanders through the graveyard upbeat while people are grieving, having funerals etc. spends the day there.

he rolls 17 and catches a space guppy, 3ft long fish with 3 eyes and its trying to fly away as he reels it in. got space guppy meat now

rolls 22, gets a space eel, it tries to bite him, 5ft long, 2dmg, tries to latch on, succeeds, whips with tail 2dmg, doesnt poison him.

bubba fails to hit on first attack, second one hits it and its knocked out. acquired space eel

rolls 24 for fishing: 6ft long skaver, baby one, fails strength check, snaps his line

Bubba leaves as another funeral is on, disturbs them as well, hooks the body accidentally

back in pub, talking to crux, will help him get his ship back, Joffrey thinks they shouldn’t kill the elven ambassador. probs go through merchant guild and try to get ship out of impound. might be difficult dealing with the legal issues about his spell jamming license being suspended.